There's No Cure

Ever heard the same thing so many times, it starts to lose meaning? Well, I have. I'm not sure if it's me, or anything, but... I feel like, whenever I speak, I'd say something wrong. Whenever I say something, as a joke or in a not-serious way, my friends would say, "It's not nice. You shouldn't have said that." Or something similar to that. Okay, the first time, it's okay. But the two millionth time I hear that, it's just... annoying, you know? (Sorry, my grammar is not good)

It's like, every single word I say is wrong! Yeah, maybe so that that's why my friends told me it's wrong. But okay, when my friends, who told me it's wrong, does that, and I tell them that it's wrong, I'd get in a debate and lose. And that's because I don't want to make it a fight. I admitted defeat. Every time. I could hear Raihah saying it now, "Be patient." Uh-huh, easy for her to say. So you know what I did?

I shut up.

Completely. Well, not really. But when I speak, I do it in a low voice. I smile, but I don't laugh. Not even when everybody's laughing so hard. What does it matter? I don't even get listened to, right? It's always like that. My opinions don't matter. Even when I follow what my friends say, one day soon, when they do it, and when I try to advice them, they prove me wrong. So, what's the point of speaking when everything I say is wrong? When what I say don't matter? When nobody listens to me?

Give me answers. Good ones. Give me ten good, satisfying reasons on why I should speak when clearly, nobody listens to me - except my blog and my beloved journal, and yeah, my friends, the ones who don't think everything I say is wrong (DD, Kamalesh, Haziq, Dina, etc.) - and everything I say is wrong. Just plain... wrong.

Maybe I'm insecure, like Kamalesh said. Wait, his word was, "Paranoid," but insecure works too. But maybe it's reality? Besides, if I don't speak, it's for the better, right? People don't have to cover their ears to avoid hearing my loud screech every single day. My two friends don't have to waste their saliva on telling me what I said was wrong. AND people don't have to get hurt over what I say.

See? Three very good reasons on why I shouldn't speak. Oh, and, they don't have to hear about my problems if I don't speak, am I right? Because, as far as I know, I'm the girl with the most problems.

And if I don't speak, there would be a lesser chance that I'd get people mad and all that, correct? Plus, I wouldn't have to feel like I'm a piece of crap, because I can't say anything right.

Yes, people make mistakes. But this is different. It's as if I never do anything right.

Even though no quote can make me feel better, I found this,

"All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes" ~ Winston Churchill

Guess what? I guess I'll never learn from my mistakes, as I'm not a sage.