It's Contagious...

Seriously, everyone's like, being so emotional these days. And it all started 'cause of me. You remember the post about that dude who made me cry so badly? Yeah, the dude who told me to get outta the country 'cause I don't freakin' know who Sudirman is. Well, I guess it all started from there.

I vowed to keep quiet; be emotionless. And I was, for two days or so. Then, on Tuesday(mypostbeforethis), my very dear friend, made me feel like I'm a piece of crap, lying on the sidewalk of a busy street, because everything I said was mean. Yeah, that's right. EVERYTHING. E to the V to the E to the R to the Y T H I N G, what does that spell? EV-ER-Y-THING! So, right after that, it was 10.45 a.m. if I'm not mistaken, I stopped talking. I wasn't in the mood for anything, like I explained.

On Wednesday, which was yesterday, my friend, Zafirah, got the disease. She broke up with her boyfriend, and she blamed herself for it, like I did when I dumped Haziq for the very first time. She was quiet, and crying for the next hour or something. The emotion shifted, from me to her. I think, there's a wind that shifts these emotions. I was quite like that in the morning, but then, I got over it. And I guess, it went to her.

And today, when in the car with Raihah, she cried. Yeah, all the way. I kept telling myself that her nose was runny, and she was just tired, that's why she looked the other way the whole time. But there's no point in being denial, because it's my fault. Yes, dudes and dudettes who are currently reading this utterly pathetic post, it was MY fault, as always.

I haven't been talking to her much lately. You know why? 'Cause when I act like my old self, controlling, weird, loud and so much like a bitch, I'm a bad person. I'm so loud and immature, which makes it hard for people to take me seriously. I'm so much like a bitch, which makes the things I say wrong. But when I act like my "new" self, I'm too quiet, I'm too emotional and all that crap. Let me tell you something, Raihah, I am doing ALL this for you, okay? Not for DD, not for Harris, not for Haziq, not for Zafirah, not for Dina, not for Izyan, not for Kamalesh, but for YOU! You get that? But it seems like what I do is never right.

And I can't act normal around you anymore, you know? It's like, whenever I tell you a story about what I did, which is actually meant to be funny, you'd be telling me that it was mean, and that I should not make people do things they don't want to. Well, what about you, huh? I understand, I'm being harsh and all that right now, but seriously, there is no other way. Back to my question. What about you? You do it, if you haven't noticed. You told me, words are prayers, but you say negative ones, and when I say that to you, you'd be, "Yeah, yeah." You know how stupid you make me feel by hearing that? And then, when I don't wanna tell something, you'd be, "Tonight is Friday night. Lying is a sin." That makes me so uncomfortable to be around you. So, it's actually 'cause of you that it's like this, but don't bother. I'll take the blame. Tomorrow, there will be a pink envelope on your desk. It's an apology letter, which I haven't wrote, but I will, soon.

It's like, she's asking me to choose between her and the others and Haziq. Not just Raihah, but everybody else. They all keep saying that, when Haziq's around, I'm happier. Oh so now what? I can't be happy? Fine, I won't. If that's what you guys want. But just in case you haven't noticed, I AM NOT. He just stands there, and make jokes with u guys, okay? He doesn't even talk to me. So, don't say I don't treat you guys fairly. Okay, so maybe I did on Tuesday. But you know why? 'Cause I only get about 2 minutes a day to talk to him in person. You make the calculations.
The one kid I have feelings for.
I only get to spend 2 minutes with him each day, at school.
That's too much to ask for?
Well, you try being in love, and never get a chance to speak to him or her.
How would you feel?
Don't make me choose between my friends and Haziq, okay? And don't you dare bet that I'll pick him over you guys. It's like you don't know how much you guys mean to me.

So, when I spend time with Haziq at school, and look so happy, don't think that I forgot about you guys. Like I said in my diary, I can't duplicate myself. Sometimes, I just have to hang out with Haziq instead of you guys. And yeah, I'll look happy. You know why? 'Cause I love him, and he has the same feeling for me. And that's like, just, a wow feeling. So, yeah, I smile 'cause I can't help it.

And when I'm not in the mood for things, I'm just not in the mood, okay? I can't act the same with you guys and with Haziq. No, not 'cause you guys are any less, but because I just don't have the mood sometimes. I just don't.