April 2010

April has it's ups and downs. Most of 'em are downs. Well, actually, April sucked. I lost my best friend. I lost people's trust. I lost some friends. But, I gained people's love. Got new best friends. Stuff like that. Actually, every month has their ups and downs. But, April is the worst la for some reason. Why? Because.....

On April Fool's Day, there wasn't that much fooling people. Except screaming at John Jeet. Haha xD. That's the Chinese people and Lily. LOL. That was fun. On Lutfil's birthday, I gave him an Archie comic book I can find that looks "new" in my house. Sorry, Lutfil! I didn't have time to buy. Kawad practice from the starting of April was kinda good. It was better. The first time I started kawad, I want it to end as soon as possible. I hated kawad. But, the week before the Sports' Day, I don't want kawad practice to end. Sometimes when I think about how fun kawad practice was nowadays, I feel something in my heart. I think I miss kawad practice. Kawad practices went better that the actual competition. Sports' Day was.... It was okay. We kawad people had to wear card boards and masks. GREEN! I kinda forgot the lines. Silly me. Hehe. After the 'perbarisan', I tried to hang out with Lily and Raihah but it was damn stressful. Lily keeps "marah-ing" me. I couldn't take it, so, I went with Zafirah instead and avoided Lily and Raihah for the whole day. Me and Zafirah hung out with un-random people xD. Then, blah blah. Stuff happens. I sent a picture of Nadhrah to Haziq. Was teasing him, but got someone mad. Syahbandar got second for kawad!!!! WOOHOO!! That sounds wrong!

Then, there was this big fight between me and Lisa. I think it was because of I sent the picture of Nadhrah to Haziq. I don't know lah!!!! Read the blog post below. Raihah tried to defend me, but it didn't work. They were too good at denying stuffs and their minds work fast. But, whatever la. Sometimes losing is the best thing. Sometimes losing is winning. Being the bigger person is better. The winner. Kinda. AHH!! I'd fight back (again) but, never mind. Let them live their lives. Happily without me in it. But the thing I hate most is that, since we had this fight, someone accused me of saying Aqilah (1 Budi) is this and that. How come?! Just to make me not friends with them again? People, can't change them.

Dina made this new joke about '30 Juta' ... Whatever that is. LOL. Everything anybody asks her, she'd answer that and look up. And then, something about Explosive Diarrhea! Haha. It's weird. You may not get it now, but if you hang with us, you'd laugh this you have EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA! Hahahahaha!!! *laughing right now* Dina is being kacau-ed by Poop Guy a.k.a Dennis-whatever-his-name. Fatihah(1 Maju) likes him. How? I don't know. So weird.

Umaar said that I have lotsa people who likes me. There's like, 4 or 5. Something like that. But most of them are.... eww-y kinda guys. They are BLUE!!!! or maybe RED!!!! hahah. Red is worse than blue. I wonder why they like me. People say I'm hot, but to me, what's so hot about me? I don't think so. Sarah Nur Izzati said it too.... Haziq said it's because I'm pretty. Well, yeah, sometimes I do think I'm pretty. Not to be perasan or anything la. There are lots of other pretty girls in the world. Why me? There's Raihah, there's Dina, there's Adilah, there's Nurin, there's Lily, there's Nadhrah, there's Salsabilla, there's Razleena and many more, so, why me?! Sometimes I just don't understand guys. But they are really fun and cool to hang with. Really! :D

Haziq met a new person to love. Good news is that she loves/likes him too. YAY!!! Sorry people who feel offended. I don't wanna go through the fight again, but it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. And, it's not a gossip site or whatever. So, if you are offended, don't read lah! -.-'' Don't complain if I'm happy. It's not a sin to feel happy. And, it's your fault for reading this. It's not public because not everybody reads this... Anyway, they look cute together!! :D WEE!!! My best friend likes a nice girl!!! :D

What else happened this month?? April is a month full of memories. I don't regret any of it. Sorry if I made mistakes. Thanks for the memories, Lisa and the others. Now, it's time for a new beginning :P. Kinda. Since it's a new month, it's a new life. Tomorrow's a new day with no mistakes in it, yesterday's a memory that will be kept in your heart for the rest of your life and today is a lesson, so that we won't do the same mistakes over and over again. :D Keep that in mind although it's not right... Haha xD

Sorry I sent this on 1st of May. Yesterday tak se mpat. Had to go off.... To this Penang trip -.-''. I'm tanned... Have a nice May!!!!!!! Good Luck!! Hope you people get straight A's!!! And, I hope that May turns out better than I hope it would! :D

Fights

We all have fights. It doesn't matter if you're best friends, enemies or strangers. We all do. It's a normal thing. Fights often start as small jokes. Then, suddenly, it gets bigger and bigger until almost everybody is involved. It just happens like that. No matter who you are, one of the popular people, one of the lamest people, it just happens like that or maybe it will. Fights start when a person did something wrong or something like that.

The most recent fights I have been in was with Lisa. Well, it started with Haziq liking Nadhrah or something. Then, later later.... it became big. Most of the Form 1 people knows, some other people who are not really involved knows, even a teacher knows they say. But I guess, fights like this, just spread really fast. Maybe some fights stay in one group but some other spreads all over. It maybe because a person told them or something. I don't know who, but there must be a person. And, I'd rather the fight just be between the people who are really involved. Broken English, I know.. Blah.. But yeah, who wants a small thing turn into a big thing and everybody knows about it? No one, right? So, whoever reading this knows the person who told the other people, can you please tell them not to? Because , I don't know them. And, ask them for me, do they like it if I do it to them? Tell everything about the fight....

Anyway, the fight.... I don't really know la why we fight. Why? Because I back stabbed you? So what? Everybody back stabs everybody when they're mad. Yes, I am sorry but I don't know la. I don't know what to say now. I don't wanna say what I feel because I know it's wrong. And, no, I did not think about how you feel. You guys say I should think about others' feelings, but what about mine? Don't you think I have feelings? Yes, I know, I should really think about stuff first before I say them, but sometimes, people don't think. I'm not saying you guys, I'm saying me. And maybe some other people too. So, it's a mistake. A simple mistake that got into a big thing. Okay, I admit that I was wrong to give Haziq the picture of Nadhrah, but it was just a joke at first. See? It all happens because of a joke. -.-''. I did not think how you would feel at that time. But like I said, people sometimes don't think. You guys don't too sometimes. Really, it's not just me. Try thinking again. Yeah, maybe you don't do these things to your best friends but I don't know la you guys. I admit that I was wrong for stuffs I did wrong whatever that is. I really am sorry.

Seriously, people, I am sorry. If you say you don't believe that I'm sorry, or you don't forgive me, then, it's your problem. I apologized and I'm willing to do anything, just that, you guys also don't know what you want me to do, how am I supposed to prove that I really am sorry? I'd do your homework, be your slaves or whatever you guys wanna do to me. Although I think that's too harsh or just taking advantage of me, I don't mind. Anything to make you guys happy and anything to make you guys forgive me. But I will not stop being friends with Haziq even if it's the only thing that can make you guys forgive me. That's the only thing I can't do. Even if you ask for it, I cannot. If you really wanna know why, you ask me la. If you guys really hate me, then, there's nothing I can do.

Actually, to be honest, I don't regret the fights. All the fights I had, taught me a lesson. Big and small. They all teach lessons. Somehow. You get to know what kind of friend that person you're fighting with, is. You get to discover new things. You realized how bad it is. Yes, you lose people's trust but, at least you learn something. (you means me la) . Maybe the person you lose trust with isn't really your friend. Fights are sometimes also fun too. Somehow. Sometimes, when you fight, if you cry, means that you really want that person to be your friend again but if you don't, that means you don't care, I guess. Well, not care that much. I didn't cry. Well, I did, but not until my eyes were red, face turn pale and stuff... Just that, my eyes watered a bit.

You guys, the people who are involved or just trying to be involved, I'm sorry. I don't know how to show that, but I really am sorry. You guys wanna hate me, hate me la. I just gotta accept the fact. But I just wanna say, hating somebody is a sin. So, I picked to not hate you guys. I don't wanna make this fight bigger. If you guys do, it's your problem. I'm not gonna be in it. Everything you say, I'll just respond, "I'm sorry, are we done here?". That's the only thing I'm gonna say if this thing gets bigger. Now, I'm sorry, I know I said that like a million times already, but I just want you guys to hear it. If you can't hear it, then, tell me. I'll go face to face with you or mouth to ear... :P But seriously guys, I don't wanna make this bigger. Tomorrow is the last day. Don't wanna forgive me, it's okay. As long as you guys know I'm sorry.

Apology Letter To Lisa

Lisa, I understand that you maybe mad at me. It's my fault. Well, part of it la. You did do something to make me mad at you. Yeah, you changed. I gotta accept that. I mean, we all change. There's not one person who doesn't change. Anyway, if our friendship were really to end, I'd want it to end NOT because we're mad at each other or something. But, because it's really meant to end. But, to me, friendships never end. It's just.... we're not as close as before. I do miss hanging out with you. But, seeing that you changed to one of those people, it hurts me you know. 'Cause it makes me think that I lose my best friend. If you wanna be gedik with them, it's okay with me. But, when you're with me, can't you be the way you used to be? If you can't, it's okay. Maybe you fit in with those people, not my kinda people. Having a friend like you, really is something. Sometimes you do act like a whore or a slut or a bitch or whatever la... I don't even know what those things mean anymore... but, it's you. I can't change you. I can't control you.

Yes, I do forget about the great times we had when I'm mad. But, you do too. I mean, who doesn't? Are we gonna let our friendship die just because of those people you hang out with? I don't wanna judge them because they're them and yeah, you're right, I maybe one of them too. But you gotta know, since you had a boyfriend, you acted badly. I mean, couldn't you at least be nicer to him? Maybe your best friends act like bitches to their boyfriends but you don't have to be. Just be yourself la. He didn't even ask for more than what you can give him. But then, it's too late already. He's fallen in love with another person and you broke up already. Just to tell you, when you have your next boyfriend, don't act like the way you treated Haziq. Even if it is a dare, you should deny it. Sacrifice. If the dare says that if you don't do the dare they asked you to, you'd have to embarrass yourself, it's for the best. But, I don't expect you to do it.

I know I menyampah dengan your best friends but, not everybody likes everybody. Maybe you like them, maybe I don't. Maybe I like Dina, maybe you don't. We can't change it. All that matters is ourselves. Leave them to their business. If they wanna back stab me, then, do it la. If you wanna join them, it's okay. I have been extra bitchy nowadays since you're friends with them. Maybe they support you 100% but I can't support you 100%. Maybe sometimes I can, but sometimes, you gotta think who's right and who's wrong. If you really think that you are right, then, go ahead. Do what you think is best.

Maybe I do judge people. But you do too. Lisa, you shouldn't have said that Nadhrah is not pretty and her voice sucks and all. She's beautiful. I mean, everybody is beautiful in their own way. I know I judge people too but, I'll try to stop. I know it's not right. And, if I wanna judge people, I should not judge about them in front of you or while on the phone with you. I know I'm wrong, sorry. I'd take back the words I've said but unfortunately , I can't. It's weird how people can think... erm... if that person said something bad, and they take it back... people think that it's okay. But, you gotta realize that if I say "I take back my words", doesn't change a thing. It's already been said. Nothing you can do. Think about it. Maybe I am wrong, but, the way I see it, taking back some words you just said doesn't change a thing. Better apologize than saying "I take back those words" .

I'm sorry Lisa. I really am. I hope you forgive me. :)

How Amazing My Friends Are

We have good friends, bad friends, popular friends but most important of all are best friends. Okay, this might be boring to you but it means a lot to me. I have like, 3, 4 best friends? I mean, real best friends la. They support me no matter what (sometimes) , like me whether I change or not (sometimes) and they're nice to me. I'll start off with Raihah aka Raice. :D

Raihah. A beautiful girl who thinks she is lame and not beautiful. But, truthfully, she is. She really is. Inside and outside. There's nothing else to say. She just is. If you think bad about her, DON'T! Get to know her first. Then, you can judge her. The way I judge her: beautiful, nice, funny, talented, awesome and just perfect. If I ever make mistakes to her, I'll so regret it. Like, really. I mean, who would ever wanna lose a friend like you, Raihah? The other day, when she was mad at me because of some simple mistakes, I can't sleep. I wrote 3 pages of A4 paper about how sorry I am. I think she lost the paper, but, who cares? As long, as she accepts my apology and is not mad at me right now. Raihah, I'd go all the way to the bottom of the ocean to find the things you need but unfortunately, I can't. I'm only human. Sorry :).

Haziq... The guy known as my psychologist-best-friend :D. Haha. Haziq is a guy I met in SAB. I think I just met him and he's my best guy friend and we're in different classes. Wow, we clicked. He's a psychologist because he's .. i don't really know how to explain but if you're friends with him, you'd never wanna lose him. He's the best guy friend I've ever met. He even beat Malik. I mean, last year, if I'm sad or anything, I'd go to Malik, but now, I have someone better. Haziq, you're a nice guy although you're evil and you have a red mind. And, you know, you're the guy that I can talk about everything. Well, not everything la but a lot of things. Like, my conflicts with my friends, you're the only one who helped. Lisa won't even look in my eyes when I told her about my conflicts. I mean, you helped, a lot. Even if you don't know it, you did. Maybe you feel like you didn't do anything, but, I don't know, to me, you did something. And, you're such a supporting person. I mean, even my girl friends don't support me as much as you do.

Dina. Dina is by far the weirdest, craziest, most like a kid person to be my best friend. I like that. It's fun being friends with you. You don't like to tell about you. I mean, most of the people I know only talks about them but not you. You're the one who listens and yeah, you judge people but it's not harsh. Really, it's not. Even when it is really bad judging, it's not really that harsh. It's awesome how you do that. And, you laugh at the silliest thing! Dina, you seem like a tomboy but you're really a girly girl :D. I mean, a cupboard full of barbies? It's amazing how you can keep it for years and it's not ruined! Sorry I told your secret but .. it's too awesome to keep it a secret. You're cool and fun and childish and MAD! You're just MAD!!! MAD WOMAN !!! MAD!! :P lol. In a good way. When we first met I didn't like you, now, you're one of my heroes. Best friends. Well, you're my best friend :).

Zafirah. Last but not least. Haha. No lah. Zafirah, you're really weird. You're cute to me. For a grandma, you're the best. You have no best friends but you're mine. You think before you talk, you think before you do anything. You're like a little kid. I like that. I don't know you that much but, I know you enough to make you my best friend. Sorry that I'm not writing so much about you. Something happened and I am blank! Dude, I know you love me. You wouldn't call me to ask what I was doing if you don't.

So, to you guys, I'm sorry if I did something wrong or said something wrong, made you sad, upset or mad. I'm really sorry. If I can, I wanna give you more than what I can give you guys to show my appreciation. I know this doesn't mean much, but, it's still something, right? You guys have given me the best moments this year. You guys are the people I can count on. Sorry if your name is not in it but, these are the only people I care most. If anything would ever happen to you, I'd be the first (After your family) to help you. I'd do anything to repay your kindness. But, as I said, I can't. I'm only human. I can only give you what I have now. True friendship. Nothing else. Sorry and thank you :)

Friends

We all have friends. Best friends... (not good at writing the start.... so, dnt mind it) we start getting friends by knowing their names and stuff and then, if we get along, we become good friends. Not long after that, best friends. Okay, sounds so stupid la. I'll just get to the next paragraph.

Who says guys and girls can't be best friends? They can, right? If they can't, why do they invent school with boys and girls? Some people think that guys are only friends with guys and if they talk to girls, they like that girl or the other way around with girls. Why? A guy could be a girl's best friend like a diamond is a girl's best friend. When you are someone's best friend, you start to care about them. Like, when Haziq said he was gonna move on May 3rd, I was like, well, my eyes watered. I don't want him to go. Yes, I don't want him to go, but it is not because I have feelings for him or anything. Just that, he's a good friend of mine and I do care about him. If he leaves, I'll miss him. That's call caring not having feelings for him. I could never imagine having feelings for Haziq. But when I found out that it was just a joke, I was so so so happy! Like, Maddi and that Mad Hatter guy, they're best friends. I bet if one of them had to leave the school, they'd both cry. Not because they have feelings for each other, but because they love each other. If they have feelings for each other, they'd be a couple centuries ago.

I hate people who think this person likes this person only because they always talk to each other. So what? Do you talk about those people because you like one of them? If you don't, then, why do you wanna talk about them? Just leave them to their business la. But if they really are a couple, then, if you wanna talk about them, talk la. Some girls are good friends with guys because they get along better with guys. Why? I don't know. But I think I'm one of them. I like hanging with guys. Not because I have feelings for them but because, they make jokes out of everything. Not that Raihah and Dina don't, just that, sometimes I like hanging with them more than with Raihah, Dina or Lily. If guys and girls being friends are treated like that, why should they be friends?

If you want good friends, you gotta take care of them. Care more. Take good care of their feelings but never tell a lie. If my best friends left me alone or moving away or anything, I'd cry. For days if it's true!! So, Raihah, Dina Sabrina, Zafirah and Haziq, don't change schools!!!

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think whether if what I am doing is right or wrong. What is it that makes me do stuff wrongly? Rightly? Hmm... What makes me, me? Is there someone behind all of this? Sure, there's always Allah but, someone as in a person...

Sometimes I think, what if I got SAB in the first place? What if I didn't go to DTHO? What would happen? Would I have taken technical instead of business? Would I've been in the same class as Lily? But then I realized, I'd never know how crazy and fun Dina and Raihah are. And, I'd never be as close to Zafirah as I am to her now. I surely would not meet Eddie, Double D, Sonia, Ginger, Shania, Adilah and the others. I'd never know how crazy and weird Izyan is. I'd never be as close to LISA! And, I bet I'd be evil and mean and tak sedar diri if I'm in Lily's class. I'll be exactly like her. Yes, they have more fun, but, I'm happy where I am now.

Sometimes I think, why does jealousy exist? To me, they shouldn't exist 'cause it makes you wanna have that thing you're jealous about. Right now, I am jealous that Lisa gets to be a girl tonight. For the whole day. I never get to do those stuff. Shopping for dresses, shoes, make-up. Getting hair done, getting face done and stuff. I want to do that sometimes. But when? The world will end sooner or later. Can I at least try to do everything first?

Sometimes I sit, or lie down and wonder, How many people would wanna trade places with me? I mean, life with nobody asking you to do this and that at home, parents doesn't care what I do after school, can online 24/7, parents does not get mad at how ugly and unorganized my room is... Who wants to trade places with me? 'Cause, I'd rather be sitting around, doing homework and doing stuff... I can be online any time I want but I'd rather do my homework or clean my room.. Weird? Yeah.. I am. But, that's me. I guess I just want parents that care more. Parents or any family members which I can talk about no matter what the subject is. Understand. I want someone near me to understand what I am going through. I guess that's what I want.

Sometimes I think,am I pretty or am I beautiful? Why do guys like me? Do they or is it just a competition to see how many guys get more girls? Does Aqif really like me? Did he really say that I'm nice, pretty and all that stuff? How do I know if they are lying or speaking the truth? Why are all the guys that 'like' me are eww-y guys? Why not the guys I like, like me back?

Sometimes I think, why are all my friends perfect and I'm not? Why do they only make small mistakes and I make the big ones? Why are they so accepting and I'm not? Why Why WHY?!! Why are they so cool and I'm not? Why can they think more and I can't?? Why do they get everything and I don't?

Teen Life ;)

Teenage Life. When you're a teenager, good things become bad, bad things become worse. But then again, worse things become bad, bad things become good. It's never always good, it's never always bad. But, we never expect when the good things or when the bad things will happen. When we become teens, we realized some stuffs and learn new stuffs. More.

The teen phrase. It is when a teen becomes closer to their friends than their family. Well, to some. Some of the people, they're always close to their family (more than friends), and forever will be. The teen phrase is the best phrase of life. Well, for me. It's where we have the most fun and the suck-est time of our lives. Especially when we just got into high school. It's the best, scariest, can't-wait-for-what's-gonna-happen-next moment. People always say that high school is the worse years of their lives. But, by the way I think of it, high school might be the best years of my life. Yeah, I've only been in high school for 4 months or so, but, I feel awesome in it. Sometimes I think, is this real or is it just a dream? It's too good to be true. Yeah, sometimes it sucks to be in high school but, most of the time, it's fun. Try thinking it over again.

Anyway, back to the topic.... When we're a teen, we change. Our looks change and our personalities change. Do you realize that when we're a teen, we complete a task? When we're kids, we don't care about these stuffs, like, our feelings and stuff. When we're kids, we don't even know what we feel like! Teen girls will find boys attractive (eww) and teen boys will find some girls hot (eww-er) . But, that's nothing to be 'eww' about, we all have those moments. When that happens, the boyfriend, girlfriend thingy will begin .. But, 13 is still too young. I think. At least 14. 14 is okay. But, when you're in love, it doesn't matter how old you are, it just matters tat you love that person and that person loves you back.

Oh yeah! Trust me, guys who smokes, or hang out - wait, 'hang out' seems to proper. They lepak. Lepak suits more. - with their gangs are not cool. They suck. When they say they like you, that's so not true. Maybe it is true but then, you won't be so sure. 'Cause, they are all playboys or something. You might think that they are the one, but maybe it's just the illusion of the heart. But, if it is, then, it is what it is. (sounds weird).

I think this is long enough. Yes, I noticed that I'm kinda talking crap. Agree with me? But, read it over and over again, it's not, really. Anyway, enjoy your life, 'cause today might be the last day for you. And, I don't think high school is torture. Well, not that much of torture. Okay, to make it fair, SAB is not much of a torture. Other schools, I don't know. GOOD LUCK!!!

Being A Kid Is Better Than Being An Adult

Some people think that being mature is better than being immature. Well, to me, they are wrong. Being immature is better than being mature. And 'immature' does not mean I'm mature! It means, you're a kid or something :P . Do the 'mature' people know that you cannot turn time to be a kid again. So, better enjoy your kid life. This is how I describe mature life and immature life :

Mature = A lot of work, less fun, needs to care about a lot of things, have no sense of humor. Well, if they have, not good ones. Take everything seriously. Even the small stuffs. Make a big fuss about a simple mistake. Others, idk.

Immature = FUN! (start singing the song!!! if u dnt know, then, ur mature!! *spongebob song*) Does not need to care about stuffs. Eat candies. Not serious. Like, whatever. Others, Idk :P

BEING A KID IS BETTER THAN BEING AN ADULT!!!! SERIOUSLY!! Try being a kid again, dudes who are matured!!

Nurin Qistina and The Other Popular Girls

Nurin, when I first met you, I kinda hated you since everybody kept saying this and that about you. I wa influenced by them to hate you. But for the past 2 days or so, me and Lisa were talking about you and I actually felt sorry for you. Don't think what I think you are thinking. Last night, when I was talking to Lisa(yes, again), I so feel like I wanna talk to you. Just that, I was scared. Of what? I don't really know. She kept saying that you(nurin) and those other girls are human. To me, you guys are not human. A lot better than human. Or maybe it's me, I'm not human. I'm less than human. (i know, that's wrong). I just don't know! Until today, I realized that Nurin, you are human. And you'd be such a great friend. I just can't go there yet. It's too big of a step. And I don't think you like me that much even. I always think the negative. When Lisa told me about your book, I was like, 'OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY?!!'. I didn't believe it's true cause I always think that all you guys do is talking, gossiping, texting and shopping and blah blah blah. I didn't know you would have that.. that.. I can't believe you have a passion for writing.

When I read your book, I almost cried. I LOVED it. It meant a lot. Really. I may not be in love with anyone right now, but, I don't know. Maybe if you showed me earlier, I'd cry. Yes, I was in love then, but now, not really. You're a really good writer. Forget good, you're an awesome writer!!! You could be an author. Keep on writing about that girl who met that boy. Anyway, I seriously can't believe that you stick to one guy. People are always saying that you're with this guy today, and then tomorrow, another guy. I understand now that it is crap. So, he's yours huh? When I read about him, I remembered teardrops on my guitar. It seems so... like that. Keep loving him. I like a person who sticks to one.

Sorry but, be careful of your friends. Your best friends. Some of them are not true friends. Some hates you and are just friends with you so that they'll get new gossip or something. Sorry. I am so sorry. I just don't want to see you hurt. I'm not pointing out people but I'm just saying that your biggest enemy could be right under your nose. But, some ARE true friends. Just.... be careful, okay Nurin? I would so be like, "ARGH!! why didn't I tell her when I was supposed to tell?!" I'd be like that for days.

How I describe Nurin : Nice, Awesome, A really good writer, Pretty, Talented, Friendly, A PERFECT person. Sometimes, when I gossip about you (long ago :P :D ) , I do feel jealous. 'Cause I want to be you! You're perfect. You're all that! If not you, maybe just your friend. But I can't bring myself up to you to be friends with you. (wait, does that make sense?) . If I was friends, good friends with you, I'd feel really honored.

The other girls, I do not understand how you could talk bad about your best friends. I know, I talk bad about my best friends too but then, I don't know, I can't stand myself too sometimes. One of the reasons I do not want to be friends with you guys are because it would so be awkward. I wouldn't know what to talk about. We'd be best friends but I'd still feel that I'm uncomfortable. For some reasons. Maybe I just feel that I don't belong with you guys. Yeah, maybe that's it. Or maybe coz i dnt trust you guys? huh, the mystery :P

Photo of Nurin: