Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think whether if what I am doing is right or wrong. What is it that makes me do stuff wrongly? Rightly? Hmm... What makes me, me? Is there someone behind all of this? Sure, there's always Allah but, someone as in a person...

Sometimes I think, what if I got SAB in the first place? What if I didn't go to DTHO? What would happen? Would I have taken technical instead of business? Would I've been in the same class as Lily? But then I realized, I'd never know how crazy and fun Dina and Raihah are. And, I'd never be as close to Zafirah as I am to her now. I surely would not meet Eddie, Double D, Sonia, Ginger, Shania, Adilah and the others. I'd never know how crazy and weird Izyan is. I'd never be as close to LISA! And, I bet I'd be evil and mean and tak sedar diri if I'm in Lily's class. I'll be exactly like her. Yes, they have more fun, but, I'm happy where I am now.

Sometimes I think, why does jealousy exist? To me, they shouldn't exist 'cause it makes you wanna have that thing you're jealous about. Right now, I am jealous that Lisa gets to be a girl tonight. For the whole day. I never get to do those stuff. Shopping for dresses, shoes, make-up. Getting hair done, getting face done and stuff. I want to do that sometimes. But when? The world will end sooner or later. Can I at least try to do everything first?

Sometimes I sit, or lie down and wonder, How many people would wanna trade places with me? I mean, life with nobody asking you to do this and that at home, parents doesn't care what I do after school, can online 24/7, parents does not get mad at how ugly and unorganized my room is... Who wants to trade places with me? 'Cause, I'd rather be sitting around, doing homework and doing stuff... I can be online any time I want but I'd rather do my homework or clean my room.. Weird? Yeah.. I am. But, that's me. I guess I just want parents that care more. Parents or any family members which I can talk about no matter what the subject is. Understand. I want someone near me to understand what I am going through. I guess that's what I want.

Sometimes I think,am I pretty or am I beautiful? Why do guys like me? Do they or is it just a competition to see how many guys get more girls? Does Aqif really like me? Did he really say that I'm nice, pretty and all that stuff? How do I know if they are lying or speaking the truth? Why are all the guys that 'like' me are eww-y guys? Why not the guys I like, like me back?

Sometimes I think, why are all my friends perfect and I'm not? Why do they only make small mistakes and I make the big ones? Why are they so accepting and I'm not? Why Why WHY?!! Why are they so cool and I'm not? Why can they think more and I can't?? Why do they get everything and I don't?