Shit Happens

I hate this. I hate how we are. I hate what we're becoming. I hate us.

I hate distance.

I know that it's inevitable that we'd be like this but I guess I just didn't want to believe it'd actually happen cause you were you and I was I whenever we talk; whenever we meet. 'Cause you were the closest thing I had and I loved you more than anyone else that has set foot on earth 'cause you taught me more things than anybody else ever had and you gave me wisdom like no one else and you were just extraordinarily awesome. Or I guess that was in my head.

But it sucks that distance could actually separate us. It sucks that we actually let distance make us less than bestest friends. I know it's really nobody's fault that we're like this. I mean, we can't really expect to be friends forever. Ok im talking like we're ending our friendship here. And no we're not. We're just not as close as we were before. You're the one with the proof. Yeah, maybe it's just a stupid game but it kinda shows that our friendship is on thin ice. Aida could guess the same thing you say in 2 rounds and when you and I played it was till 18 rounds. Yeah.

It's not that I'm jealous of you and Aida or what. It's just that, it's enough proof to say that we're not the same Amilah and Harith.

god i havent cried for a long time. This must really suck.

When you said I replaced you with Naqib, that was hurtful. But maybe I did replace you with Naqib for a while cause I needed a break from you because I needed to get over you. And I'm saying all this as if you'll ever read this. All you need to know is that even if Naqib is cool and fun to talk to, he'll never be you. I mean, I couldn't talk to him on the phone for hours without knowing the time like I do with you. But you know, what is that anyway?

But yeah, Aida's much cooler than I am. She knows way more music and she's way wiser and I don't know, she's prettier and nicer and she actually listens to advice and she's more in control of herself and you said she's a lot like me anyway so if you felt replaced when I talked to Naqib, you have no idea how much I feel replaced now.

But you know, it's one of those things you can't really control. 'Cause all these things change through time. And with the distance between us and the lack of internet that I have and the not-right-timing make it hard for me to even get to you so yeah. It's okay. I can live with us just being normal friends.

Plus, I'm sorry i never listen. You don't listen to me either in case you haven't noticed. I guess I just feel like you got really mad at me, that's why I'm like avoiding you right now even though it's only been like 33 hours since we last talked.

And well, you've clearly done way more with Aida. I mean, you've taken her around London or Surrey or where even though she's like 10000 miles away. I must sound like a jealous bitch right about now. I'm not okay? I'm just having a really hard time accepting what's real.

Yeah, have fun.