The Brightest Star

Hey! I haven't written in so long, it's like I'm not even sure I can still make words into sentences anymore. Yes, that's how bad it is. I don't know what's wrong with me though, I don't feel like myself. But that's besides the point.

So, Ramadhan's ending :P I think this year, it's more about family for me. You see, my dad got sick, like really sick, and it would be so great for me if none of you ask about it or say anything to anyone or to me about the whole thing lah. I just don't like to be reminded. School's like the only place I can escape from the guilt of not knowing what to do, the stress of having my mom and my sister telling me to do this and to do that and you know, just everything there is at home.

But yeah, I mean, maybe this is God's way of showing me that blood is thicker than water. Friends are there when you're feeling blue, but they're only there for a while, if you notice. No offense, I mean, if you see me, I'm probably worse. I care for less than half an hour most probably. So yeah, don't feel bad. It's in our nature to care for just a little time. Maybe my family cares more because well, we're family. What can you say, right? We're all going through all the same stuff, all the same stress and we all have the same wish and we're all holding on to that hope that might bring us happiness again.

To be honest though, I'm happy. Or even if I'm not, I'm grateful for whatever that's happened. Be it my dad getting sick in Germany which is 10 thousand miles away from Malaysia, or my love life not working out, my best friend being an ass, or my results being bad as it is. I've never even once thought of how much trial god must be putting on me with everything that's happening. I mean, I shouldn't, should I? Maybe it's because things are going on too fast that I don't even have time to think about it hahah. Which is good, actually because I don't think I even want to be thinking of it. Things are good as it is.

There was that one night though, where I guess the bottle's just too full that it exploded. I have no idea what happened, but I was so mad at everything and at everybody in the house. What's worse was that I didn't want to talk to anyone about it except Mr. Harhar. Oh how scary it was to call him after a week of not talking to him, but I guess talking to him helped. It was a good 40 minutes on the phone. Of course we ended up talking about his girlfriend, but oh well.

You know, it's when you least expect things to happen is when it actually happens. All I can say now is, "what a month!" Time for new beginnings. Raya, hopefully, will bring us joy and happiness and closer to one another :) Happy Eid!