I Hope It's the Cold Speaking.

What if I lost my senses? What if one day I wake up and I just couldn't see? Or couldn't hear? Or maybe in one meal, I couldn't taste anything? What if I couldn't move my arms and legs? What then? I mean, how do I know when things are going to be bad or good? How does anyone? It's like, when you take a moment to think about things, you get scared. Well, at least I do. I mean, yeah, what's gonna happen to me? If I don't act now, it's gonna be bad right? My future and all.

Good things are bound to happen. Yes, I know that. I know that you're supposed to be positive and not think about bad things cause of you know, the law of attraction, but you can't possibly just be positive all the time. That'll make you what? A hippie? Some crazy stress-free hobo or something.

Maybe it's the cold talking. Maybe it's because I'm sick that I'm so freaking out like this. I hope it is. Because when I tried to smell, (okay I know it sounds stupid but I dunno, I'm a kid and I'm freaking out) I couldn't. Well, not before I tried smelling the coffee beans. That helped a bit. Thank you, Izyan for mentioning that coffee beans liven up your sense of smell. Then I got stressed out thinking of all the what ifs! I'm saved today. But what if I'm not grateful enough this time and it'll happen again and next time, I won't be saved? Just, what if?

I don't wanna be a freak who can't smell things. I want to be able to do things. God, I feel like such a I don't even know anymore. I need some time alone I guess. But how am I supposed to go through school and family and all these questions in my head? When am I getting answers? No, I am not losing trust in God, but I just want a human with all the answers. I want a friend who I can call my hero. I just want someone to be there when I'm feeling insecure and stupid and like this. I want someone to tell me that it's okay to cry. I want someone who can make me feel like there's nothing to be scared of, that he or she will always be there for me. Now I'm repeating things twice. Maybe I just need to shut down everything and bang the piano or something.