Dear Yasmin,

Dear Alia Yasmin,

I don't know how this will help but I hope it does. It's not the same, I know, cause I'm just a friend, and he was your boyfriend but on the bright side, there are still people who appreciate you. I know breaking up is hard, I've been through it. I mean not like yours but I've told you things I've done with my ex, and you know how bad I was but you know, sometimes it's better to let go. Sometimes things don't go as you planned it to. Sometimes they suck. All good must end. That's life. It's like the law of the universe, we can't go against it. You out of all people should be grateful that things happened the way it did because who knows, soon you might meet the guy of your dreams. He's probably right in front of you. Jodoh di tangan tuhan kan?

I know, I'm repeating things. I know, you've heard all this but you know, when I get sad, I kinda just want people to say all these things again, cause even if I know already, it's a friendly reminder. I don't know, I guess I kinda feel guilty cause I'm like so far away from you when we should have been together right now but I probably wouldn't know what to say. You're the talker, you're the one who knows how to deal with this. But I guess heroes fall down too? It's okay, we're all humans.

Anyway, yeah you should be glad it happened like this. Could have been worse. At least you're still sane. At least you're trying to accept the fact. At least you're not cutting yourself or doing drugs. See the cup as half full, not half empty. I know I'm not really that good at giving advices or sharing my thoughts, but this is like the best I could do. Terimalah seadanya~

Whatever it is, you're still you. You're still awesome, talkative, confident, pretty, bubbly, crazy and ten million other adjectives Alia Yasmin. It's gonna take some time. But don't stress yourself. Apparently it can lead to death ahhaha. For what it's worth, I love you. And I still count as an important person, don't I? Don't kutuk him so much cause I know you know deep down that he's not a bad person. You don't know his story and neither do I. But I'm sure whatever it is, he has a reason for it. And itu pun, kita takda right to judge. Jangan lupa apa dia dah buat yang dulu dulu tu. I mean, for what you think of him la. Thinking of him as a bad person won't make you forget him. Trust me, I know. It's just gonna get you angry and you're gonna blame everybody for that. Too much negative energy, ugh.

I'm probably taking this really easy cause it's not happening to me. But all break ups share the same pain, I think. I know you're still hoping. It sucks. I know how it feels. My name means hopeful kan, hahah it's a blessing and a curse. But oh well. So yeah, eat chocolates, sing out loud, scream into your pillow. Do something crazy, it helps. Be drunk without drinking. Best kind of being drunk, cause you actually remember what you did. And it's all funny in the end.

And do not blame yourself. You ain't a bad person, sister. We all make mistakes, but that's the coolest part of living.

 -amilah-

Dear Miss Aimi

hahaha idk if i'd get in trouble sending this to a teacher but i feel so cool having done it

Salam.

Dear Miss Aimi,

This is what I’ve got so far. I mean I’ve got more in mind but it’s like, based on the same person and I don’t know, I guess I don’t want him to get in trouble or him to think that I’m hoping too much (cause im not, I just like being overdramatic). And well, cause I sorta already got him in trouble on my last day of school and by telling you this I’m gonna get in trouble next year? I know teacher Nurul probably doesn’t like me anymore but I’m like, hey, this is life. I mean, I want to do things where I feel proud of and I’m happy with. I want that teenager moments, those movie moments. Movies and books may be bad influence on me cause they lead me into doing all these things (breaking rules and having high school relationships – or short term love – and etc.) but I’m not gonna learn anything extraordinary things by playing by the rules. Being crazy in your teenage years is priceless, it’s awesome. I don’t expect you or anybody to understand, I mean, I’d understand if you come up to me and be like, “Amilah, you can’t do this, it’s wrong.” But well, life has to be fun. So what im actually trying to say is I apologize for not being an angel in school, cause I don’t want my story to be of the student who studies and doesn’t have any wild fun. I have a year left to make things memorable. And worth remembering. I do promise to keep my grades up though. I’ll make it work, somehow, inshaAllah. Just... have faith in me. ‘Cause that’s the only thing I’m doing right now, having faith in myself. Ms Izzaty told me she picked me in debate because she knows I have it in me (whatever it is) and it’s not that I want to disappoint you or her or anybody but I really don’t wanna regret not doing anything.

      Oh yeah Im sure you know who the budak patah tangan is cause hes the only one with a cast on his left hand. Please don’t do anything to him or say anything cause it’s over between us anyway, whatever it was. And hes already got “a talk” with teacher Nurul which is making me guilty right to this second. Nothing’s gonna happen anymore cause we’re not gonna see each other in school anymore. I don’t wanna continue about my love life hahahah it’d be awkward.

     But yeah these are my work. I hope you like them and if you don’t, it’s okay. I wouldn’t mind if you cancelled out the ‘for….” I wrote at the end of my poems. Give me a feedback!! Okay bye tell me if you want more!

-amilah-

All In Your Hands

So I really like this essay I wrote for the school magazine.

I’ve never thought boarding school life would be much of an adventure. I mean, I’ve heard stories and all but come on, who would ever actually believe what people say unless you’ve been through it yourself? If you’d ask me a year and a half ago, I’d say you’d be delusional to find me in a boarding school this year.

      But things changed. I did apply for boarding schools around the time PMR started and I actually did want to go. This isn’t a story of my life in a boarding school; it’s more of my perception. I wouldn’t say I’m someone with a lot of thought nor would I say I’m wise in any way but out of 16 years of living, I’ve picked up a think or two and I’ve realized that things are never what it seems. That’s life: Expect the unexpected.

      I came as a naïve adolescent without expectations, just eagerness. I came with all inferiority blocked out. I came as a new person – as a person I myself hadn’t met. I didn’t know what I was doing; I didn’t know where I was going. What I did know was that I didn’t want to be the person I was before, I wanted to stand out. “Go with the flow.” Sometimes you just have to have that leap of faith and jump over the fence without thinking of the consequences. That’s when you know your adventure has started.

      Towards the end, you start noticing things being different than when you first got in. A LOT had changed. You get to see people mature through time; you get to see yourself mature –physically and mentally. Some have grown taller, bigger, prettier, and handsomer and it’d be a lie to say that each and every one of us has not gotten wiser in a way.

     

        Towards the end, I realize that it’s all about choices: whether you want to end the chapter sad or happy. Of course everyone has different stories, but we go through everything with our friends – the people closest to us, our second family. Despite that, our perceptions and our memories differ. We choose what we want to remember. All the good times, all the bad times, all the heartaches, all the joy and all the pain.

    

       The adventure of young love, that’s a story we all go through and get away with. I mean, as much as people tell us that it wouldn’t last and it’s not worth it, it’s high school. Truth be told, we’re all naïve kids with curiosity the size of the Atlantic Ocean. It’s a fairytale but the ending is a nightmare. What girl wouldn’t fall for a knight in shining armor – or in my case, a knight in a white cast on his left arm with a charming smile? Like I said, we choose what to remember. When you think about it, it’s not something we should regret, because it makes us understand more. This is life before we know who we’re going to be, it’s the time to explore.

       With a lot of smiles, there come a lot of tears. Homesickness, betrayals, break ups. They all lead us to doing crazy things and thus, ruining our lives, or shaping us into better individuals. You choose. Love is part of growing up, whether it’s real or not, whether it’s long or short. It’s the thing that spices up our lives, making our stories more interesting. ‘Cause in the end, when all this is over, it’s all about the stories we have, the anecdotes we tell our children and the people around us.

       Out of all the pain in the world, the pain that hurts most is the pain of saying goodbye. Some people come into your life and they leave temporarily, but some leave forever. The departure of a favorite teacher, the leaving of a good friend. Acceptance towards reality: that’s what sucks most. Appreciating something or someone when we have it or him or her: that’s one lesson no human will understand.

  

      Before we know it, we’d all be leaving. We’d all reach the age of 17 and we’d be finishing our SPM and we’d all leave school. The adventure that started ends and that’s when we close our book. It’d be that time where we’d start fresh; start a new story. And by then, we’d be better because we know what’s right and what’s wrong and we’d know how to handle situations. High school is like the pre-school of life. It gets us ready for the future, when we really live.

        So my form 4 ending was really unexpected, because it ended as a love story.  The knight in the cast whom I met two and a half weeks before school ended actually became important in my life. But our short love affair has ended, as school ended. Relationships with my friends were in a good state, despite the tears and the backbiting. Teachers’ perceptions of me might be a little rocky, but oh well. When else can you cause trouble? And I got to give a last hug to my favorite English teacher whom I will miss a lot ‘cause she’s gone next year.

      I could end this chapter in satisfaction and hope for a better next year.

“Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don't really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren't really an ending; some things are never-ending.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Breaking rules

Skipping Friday prayers is a bad thing but the thing is, its not wajib for girls to do Friday prayers. And second, I wouldn't understand a thing the imam says and I definitely won't have khusyuk praying. So I am currently in my not so big metal locker in the dark, my phone being the only source of light, listening to people hurrying others to the surau and fast paced footsteps heading out. The world seems so calm and big even though I'm in my locker.

In Spreading Wings and Freedom

I honestly really miss Harith.

Ps its mrsm Dina, not DD or MJfan (coz it was her birthday and my English teacher mentioned poetic hour).