It's For the Best, Isn't It?

I've realized something. All I ever write in this blog is about complaints. I complain about my life, I complain about my friends, I just complain. I've never written anything ever than a complain. Well, maybe that's just how my life works. It's full of complaints and negativity. 'Bout time I should stop, right? It's better to sit in a corner and cry my heart out rather than complain about my life in Facebook or in this blog right here, where everyone in the world can see it.

But here's one last post about my life. Just one more. Then I'll stop. Stop writing, probably. Forever, if that's possible. I'll try something else. Maybe I should start on practicing the piano or read political books. Maybe learn more about Islam. Maybe read the encyclopedia. Or study more. Yeah, anything. It's all better than complaining 'bout my life, I guess. I bet you guys would probably agree too.

For the past few days, I've been acting strange, as I said. I've been treating my friends badly, I've been saying that my life is this and that. Well, the truth? It is like what I said. It is miserable and a mess. It is a ball of pathetic. It just is. I've been telling people they should do this and that, but I never do it myself. I've been saying that I'm a good person to myself, when I'm actually not. I've been saying that for once, it's not my fault, but yet, it is. I've been through backbites, judgments, lack of trust... all of that. And yes, all of that is my fault. I made my best friend cry. I made my friends mad at me. I showed attitude. All the times I've been trying to make things right, I didn't. I only made it worse. And to just say, "Whatever," to it, well, let's just say, it's not working.

I guess if I were ever to write a book about my life, this might be it. This might be the ending. This might be the last chapter of my life. For 15 months, I've been mean, selfish and rude. Yet, I was still somehow nice, weird and funny. But I guess that ends now. All of it. No more complaining about my life. No more thinking that it's not my fault. No more talking about my friends behind their backs. No more being in the middle.

There, I did it. I apologized to every person I've gotten mad. Well, not everybody. Just some specific people. Maybe that's enough for now. If they don't forgive me, it's fine. It's a good choice if they don't. I'm selfish and mean. My best friend said it herself. Wanna know something? Here are some traits about me, I'm rude, I'm selfish, I'm mean, I'm impatient, I'm cruel, I'm out of control and I'm a bad friend. Wanna know something worse? I do that everyday.

So, to people who think they deserve it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever getting you guys in my troubles. Sorry for not looking at the bright side when you guys tried to help me. I'm stopping now, before my heart gets heavy and I start crying again.

All this while, I've been being me. And in being myself, I've made the biggest mistake ever.

They say, one should learn from one's mistakes. But I don't. And I guess I should start from now.

Lots of love,
Amilah.