The Inspiring Friend.

Double D. I've written posts about her a lot. Good ones, bad ones. I think I've already written what I'm about to write soon, but I just feel like I have to do it. Write about it, I mean.

Full name: Dina Dzafira Ramlan.

Birth date: 9th July 1997

Age: 14 years

Dina, also known as DD, is a friend of mine. She's not my best friend in the whole world, but we're close. She's more of a person whom I'm inspired by. I don't think she knows that, but well, she does now. Even I just found that out last night >.>

Anyway, she does things that are well, inspiring. She's good in everything. Even though at first I saw her as um, the opposite as I see her now, I've learned things; to see things differently, and DD is one of the "things" that I see differently now. DD is judging from her looks, a pretty girl. But then, the outside doesn't really matter. It's the inside, and what she does that inspired me. I don't really know in what way she inspired me, but well, I'm just glad to have met her.

She draws, that's one thing that kinda inspired me. Okay, fine, I'm not interested in arts, not really, but well, a picture's worth a thousand words, and if you see it from a point, it's amazing, really, how an artist thinks of something and expresses it using a pencil on a piece of empty paper. They don't even need words to show how they're feeling and what's inside. When it's done, you see and you understand. Not that I understand what DD's always trying to say, since they're Anime characters >.> And I don't think she even tries to say anything xD.

And then she writes! Last night, she showed me this message she sent to this senior friend of ours (whom I don't really talk to anymore), and she's like, AMAZING. I mean, even I'm effected from reading her really long message. How can one person be so great at so many things? And her vocab is like, so high, she knows so many words and her accent is cool. Okay, now I'm acting like I'm a fan xD But it's so true. It's.. I don't know. I had so much to write before this, but now, I'm totally blank. I guess I've said everything I had to say.

Worth the Wait?

I don't know if I've written this, or something similar to it, but it's on my mind.

Why do people always say, "don't give up"? Okay, fine, because if you give up, you'll miss out on something great. Like, you give up on waiting for a ride at Disneyland because the line was too long, but then, it turns out, it could have been the greatest ride you've ever rode on. Or you give up on finding the answer on a Maths test, only if you'd try harder, you'd get the answer. Or you give up on waiting for the person you like, because he/she didn't like you at that moment, but if you'd have waited, you'd be happy with him/her.

But then, how can you not give up? If the line's too long, then what's the point of waiting? It's just gonna waste your time and throughout the whole time you were in the line, you're sad or unhappy, 'cause it was a long wait. It's like, the ride is not even worth your time. But then, you'll never find out, because you never got on that ride. Right? I mean, if it was worth it or not.

So, I like this guy... I don't understand why though, because I've never really talked to him. As in talk to him about something that's important and more than 2 seconds. At least, not alone. But I do, I like him. (okay, at this moment, I don't feel anything, but anyway) Not the I-like-you-cause-you're-cute kinda like, I like him with real feelings. (Or they could just have been the illusion of the heart >.>)

My friend told me that he knows I like him. How? I've no idea. Anyway, I asked my friend if he knows who that guy I like likes. And he said yes, a long time ago. I am here, sitting, writing this, when I should be studying for tomorrow's exam, asking if I should wait for him or not. Because, if I do wait for him, then, it's like, I'm pathetic, because who knows if he's ever gonna look at me that way. Besides, it's high school. Only like 1% of high school relationships last, right? But if I give up, then, what if he suddenly likes me after we talk? Or by some miracle.

Ugh, this is wasting my time. Seriously. I'll just focus on myself after the exam, and not on some guy who probably doesn't even know my name.

I Can See The Sunlight In Your Hair

The sun is shining,

The wind is blowing,

Yet, we stay inside,

In our air-conditioned rooms,

With the curtains closed,

We turn the lights on.

There's fresh air outside,

The smell of trees and flowers,

The sight of the blue sky,

And green surroundings,

But, don't you think it's odd?

That we choose to stay indoors,

And corrupt our minds with

games and online chatting.

Why is it that we don't go out,

On beautiful days like this,

To have picnics in the park,

Or fly kites?

To just enjoy nature,

Listening to the birds chirping,

And the hush sounds of the wind.

We don't appreciate

What has been made for us,

We know that it's there,

And we know that it's going to go away soon,

But we do nothing about it.

We think that there's still time,

But we don't use the time wisely,

To see mother nature

while we still can.

So Much For My Happy Ending

WARNING: There are sort of mean things. Get out before you're too late.

Endings. Ever thought about them? Lately, I've been making up endings in my head, who I'm gonna end up with, what he'll be like. Not so far, until who I'm gonna marry, but just, who I'm gonna end up with at the end of this year or something. I mean, I've read books and they all sort of have the same endings.

This girl likes this guy who she thinks is so amazing and wonderful. Next, she meets another guy, who goes through everything with her, her heartbreaks, funny moments, everything, and he starts falling for her. And then, she realizes that the amazing and wonderful guy is just in her head, and that he's actually a jerk to her, because he has this other girl he's in love with or something. She starts falling for the other guy and they live happily until their break up, which the writer doesn't usually add in, because it's a happy ending.

Well, that's a situation where there are two guys in the picture. And the girl never expected that she would fall for the other guy.

In my case, I HAVE ALREADY MADE UP EVERY POSSIBLE ENDING. So, it's like, I'm expecting something to happen. Any one of three situations.

Oh next situation is that, her best friend, this guy she fell for, is in love with her good friend. And then this other guy falls for her, and they got close. But soon, the best friend broke up with his girlfriend or lover or whatever, because he realized that she's not what he likes, and he goes to her, the main person.

But that's less likely to happen.

AND the third situation is that, when all the drama ends, she doesn't end up with any of them, and they're just her past. She gets new friends and a new crush/lover.

So it's kind of just a matter of time till one of those three situations happen to me. To be honest, I'm scared. Of any of those endings. I don't really know why. Okay, maybe I do. First situation, I don't wanna end up with the other guy. It's not that he's bad or an ass or anything, just that, I don't know. I don't want to. That's it. I mean, there are some things you don't mind getting and some things you don't want, and it's just a thing that I do not want. Second situation is that, IF he ever falls back for me, I don't think he'll ever admit it, 'cause me and his lover, we're sort of, I repeat, SORT OF, close. You know, girl code. Meh. Third situation, I don't wanna lose that guy I like, because he's ALMOST as perfect as my dream guy.

Ugh, after my ex-boyfriend drama, I thought I'd be this hippie sort of person, no stress and all, because there was just so much drama. And now it's worse.

I Have To, But What If I Don't Want To?

Embarrassment. It's a sick feeling. It burns your face up, makes you go red, and you feel like everyone around you is mocking you, as if you did something so bad, no one could forgive. It makes your heart feel heavy, when you're walking around people. And they say it's okay, that it was nothing that you did wrong, but you just can't seem to believe them. Because you know that it's not.

A friend of mine told my crush that I liked him. I covered her mouth, begging her to not tell him. But it got out, and I gave up. "-My crush's name-, Amilah.." I knew there was no covering up from that. He wasn't dumb. Anyone could have guessed. We made it so obvious that I liked him. Yes, I realize that it was partially my fault, because if I would have just stayed cool, I could have covered it up. I went away to get something from my other friend, but she held it our of reach, so I had to jump to get it. Hugging and laughing with her, it looked like I was having the time of my life, when he said, "Amilah. She's told me." With a smile that I kept falling for, he walked away with his lover.

I sat in silence in my room, thinking about it. I could hear the creaking sound of the fan, doing it's job, circling on the ceiling. I tried to hear music, but it sickened me. I'd rather sit in the quiet. Music does not help. Sure, you can go, "that's how I feel!" but sometimes, it's just better to stay in the quiet. Why did I like him? I had my chance that week in June. I had my fairy tale moment. And I stopped liking him. So why did it have to come back?

You know how we have our dream girl/guy? Well, it felt like he was mine. My dream guy I mean. Not mine mine. Okay, whatever. He had the perfect traits. He was this guy who was funny and charming and sweet and nice and just amazing in every way. He's like one of those guys who are hard to find. Like those guys you read about in teen love stories. It was like he wasn't real. Like he came from my imagination. But I didn't imagine him. He is real. I can see him and I talk to him almost everyday on chat, and when he talks about his girl, that's how I know that he's not a guy I made up in my head. He talks about her like there's no one else better in the whole world. I don't even know what to say next. He's like the guy in Yuna's song, Cinta Sempurna.

I know it's going to be okay. Because it always is. I know that he's cool with it, because that's just the kind of guy he is. And he wouldn't even think about it, because according to my friend who told him, he's known for weeks. But it's not okay now. Not to me, that is. I can't just shake the feeling that I know he knows I like him and still talk to him like nothing happened. If I didn't know that he knew, that was better. I knew I had a feeling that he knew. What is it about instincts that are always right? Well, almost always right.

And I know I have to stop liking him, because what's the point of liking someone who doesn't like you back, right? I do have hope, but when I think about it, it just makes me sound like I'm this pathetic person, who wants a guy who doesn't like me back. Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you. Besides, I'm still just a kid, right? And this is high school, relationships don't last. Except for those lucky ones.

But what if I don't want to?