Can you please?

I know it's bad and I know I'd be guilty of this one day but I will delete this.

My mom can be sporting, but only 50%. She can be cool, but that's like 1 in 10 times. She would buy me anything I want, as long as it's not so expensive. Fine, I like that about her. She's a good mother, cause she gives us what we want and in return, we study hard. I mean, she doesn't exactly push us, but the realisation comes to us itself. And she praises us on whatever we get, thus making us feel appreciated and discouraged.

OK, while she's all that, she's also the worse at being a teenager's friend. I know I'm rebellious, but that's probably only cause she's the way she is. I know I control myself and I could not be rebellious if I didn't want to, but thing is, I do want to. Thing is, I do not want to be like my mom. Sure, her children succeeds, she succeeds and she's wealthy and we have a lovely home and we live luxuriously (I'm not even kidding) and we look like a happy family. We probably are a happy family. And I'm sure as hell not saying that I hate my family; I do love them. I just am my own person and I have learned things by myself (as in without the help of mom) and I love myself even if I may not be as smart as my sister or as knowledgeable about the world as my other sister or as logical as my brother but I do understand things they do not understand and they (I assume) refuse to understand.

So my mom is so judgmental I don't even know what to say. What happened was that I wanted to go to my friend, 'Aina's house in Wangsa Maju. And apparently where she lives is somewhere that's not really where rich people live. I mean, like a normal housing area. AND THEN SHE GOES ALL, "Where does she live?" So I said, "In front of Carrefour, near the petrol station with the 7-E." And she said, "The houses there are small and ugly." Well, she said something like that.

BUT I MEAN SO WHAT?! I do not care, mom. I really do not care if my friends have Bentleys or if they have Kancils. I don't care if they wear Zara or if they wear Giant brand clothes. I don't care if they dine at Pavilion every night or if they dine at those stalls near the roads. And I absolutely do not care if their houses are as big as KLCC or a mouse hole. OK, so I might not want to stay for a week but I so wouldn't mind going there for a day to hang out with my friend.

Fine, that's not something that I should really go all ballistic about but she's not just like that with this kind of thing. She's like that with so many things !! Like I hate how she makes it as though she's higher than everyone else and complaining about other people's work. I mean, ok, I do that too. But I hate myself every time I do that 'cause I know I can't do better. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to. And I could imagine those people not wanting to do it cause it's a shitty job they're doing. I'm not saying I'm an angel or so much better than my mom but god, I just hate what she does sometimes. It's like, could you like please appreciate some people?

It's such a bad example to teach kids, you know. I mean, I'm so glad I could think for myself already. I'm so glad I am not even so close to my mom (and this is something so bad to say). But yeah, I mean, I really am thankful that I learned a lot of things by myself and that I am this rebellious teenager cause I'll never know how to tell my sons and daughters how to live and actually enjoy it if I'm so much like my mom.

So to my future kids, I promise I'll try my best to become the coolest mother ever cause I have actually understood the "support-but-disagreeing" term.