it just makes you a failure. If you can't even make your own decisions, how qualified are you to achieve anything else? One simple task. And it's about you. If you can't do it, surely everything else you do will fail. Am I right?Well, my problem is, I can make my own decisions. I just need somebody's points of view first, because, I'm an inexperienced person, and shouldn't people help people in need?
Yeah, thing is, I'm not somebody in need.
My mind just can't work out what I need to do. Or what I should do. Or what I want :\.
Pathetic, isn't it?
But a few minutes ago, just a few minutes ago, I wrote a message to my ex-best friend, apologizing about what I did to her for the last few months. Yes, I've wrote a blog post about that, but I don't think she'll read it. Who am I anyway? I mean, she's on a way higher level than I am.
I know, humans have the same level, but, in this case, I don't think so. I mean, who cares if you're rich and pretty? It's your values that counts, right? And do I have any of those?
Well, that message took a lot of courage. I've been thinking about that message for two or three days. I didn't have the courage at first, so I wrote it on my blog, you know, so, I can get courage? 'Cause, as my friend once told me, a blog is a public space. And if more people see how bad I was, and am (maybe), I can handle one person? But of course, she's on a higher level, and to reach on her level... well, let's just say, I'm not qualified.
Oh my God.
I just realized something. If I'm not qualified to be on her level, which is just a few steps onwards, how will I be qualified to enter Paradise? You know, the place we all wanna be in the Hereafter.
I just have to pray that my message was enough. Because, really, there's no going back.
Think about it. If you've walked until almost the end of your destination, but then, you chickened out, would you go all the way back? No, right?
Zabrina A. Bakar once told me a secret. It was to 'Aim and Strive' . And I should do that, because it's worth it. Even if she doesn't forgive me, right? It's worth it.
Whenever you're stuck in making a decision, a life-changing one, just give yourself time to think about it, and then, when you've made your decision, but at the last second, you chickened out, just tell yourself it's worth it. Or you know, just list the advantages and disadvantages. That's an easy way, right? But for me, I guess the, "It's worth it" thing works best.
Trust me, I didn't write this for fun. I didn't even know how to solve this problem at first, honest! I don't know how I got this far, and the answer to my question.
Oh wait, the answer! I'm sorry, I must have forgotten. Silly me!
Truth is, you can never know the answer. Because it's all in God's hands. Whatever happens to you is in His hands. You can't change that. Whatever decision you made, it's gonna happen anyway. And one more thing I learned from Zabrina's book is that, if you say, "If only I...." that's the devil speaking to you and it's a sin. I think. Point is, you can't change the fact what's already planned out for you in life. You don't know what's gonna happen to you in life later on. You don't even know if you're gonna live tomorrow, do you? So, yeah. You can never know the answer.
As my friend once said,
It's all a matter of time.
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