Hear Me Out

Lisa (or anybody I might have hurt these past few months or years or days or hours), if you happen to be reading this, I want to say something. I know, all of a sudden. But, actually, not really. It may be a long time already since we fought, but I'm still kind of feeling guilty about you not forgiving me. Even if you did, I don't really, you know.. Well, I think it's halfhearted. So, I'm guessing you're cursing me now? For saying things I don't know?

Okay, here goes...

I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for not supporting you that time, after what you've gone through. After you went through all that trouble of picking up the phone and telling me the whole story, and I supported the opposing side, instead of you. I'm sorry. I know I should have supported you, because you were my best friend and he was just another person to me at that time. And from what I learn, friends should stick by friends, and I didn't do that. I did the other thing. I get it why you got mad at me. And then, after all that, I embarrassed you in front of a LOT of people. Even I'd get mad at myself if I were in your position. I'm sorry for that and everything else I did wrong to you. And for saying that you were snobby :\. Yeaaaaah, that one was a mistake, cause I didn't realize that if I didn't join the marching squad, I wouldn't have known her either. I guess I just wanted to fit in. You know, be more like you. You were like my role model. You were smart, talkative, not afraid to say what you feel, and all those things. I was like, your sidekick. The one to listen to your problems and tell you what I think, comments. Okay, so, I'm sorry for doing that. I was lifeless. I wanted a life, I guess. And, I'm sorry for backstabbing you, calling you names, laughing at you, etc. I was a REALLY BAD person. And I wanna change.

And I can't do that if you don't forgive me for real.

You see, I'm apologizing so much all of a sudden is because I read this one book; Life is an Open Secret: Think About It by Zabrina A. Bakar. She wrote what made me thought about you, "Ahmad Zarruq once said,

If you desire to live such that your religion is safe and your portion is full and your honor is sound, guard your tongue, and never mention another's faults, remembering that you, yourself, have faults and others have tongues."

And a story that goes with it, about a kindergarten teacher and her experiment. In that story, her experiment was about breaking an egg and asking her students to find a way put the eggshells back together.

And you know the answer, right?

You can't put back the eggshells together. So, yeah. Like I said, I can't take back what I said, so from now, I guess I should really control what I say. But I can apologize. And I did.

Here it goes again.

I'm sorry, Lisa, for doing all those things to you.

And again, this isn't just for Lisa, even though I only described what I did to her. This is for everybody that I've hurt for the past few whatever. I'm sorry. I might not know it, but there might be, so, I'm just apologizing. I'm sorry. I hope you'll forgive me.

For real this time, okay? If you don't want to, it's okay.

And I'd really like it if we're friends again. Not best friends. Just friends. I don't really fit in with you, if you haven't noticed. So.. What do you say? Friends?