What im about to say may be true but it may just be my assumptions, but i kinda hope it gives you something (not a lot, cause im currently writing this at 2:50 a.m. in the airport lounge, sitting not so comfortably + with an unstable mind).
'Aina, i know im not danfar, or any boy that gives you "karan", but honestly i find you to be so pretty. You're like one of those girls who look good doing anything. I hate that you're so insecure about yourself, and how you think that you're not good enough, but i can't say i disagree with feeling that way. I cant tell you that youre supposed to feel good about yourself all the time, because that just doesnt exist. I hate how your love life is so messed up; i hate that the fray did those things to you, even if it was just being silent for a long period of time. I guess he mustve his own reasons, which i could mot speak for, but i think its just so irresponsible and egomaniacal to just leave things hanging without an explanation. I mean, even if you dont/didnt have anything, information is significant to the other party cause it involves two sides.
I dont really know where im going with this or why im writing this. I guess its cause i kinda feel the same way even though our situations are a paradox of each other. I guess im saying this more to me than i am saying it to you. I have no intention to say that you shouldnt feel the way you do, cause truthfully, theres no cure except for that certain someone to come and change things around. 'Cause hes the one who lifts your spirits up and makes you feel like you matter but hes also the one that shoves you down to the lowest ground. It sucks, i know.
Thinking that hes the one whos at fault, but deep down its the stupidity that you feel about yourself that makes you shed tears, isnt it? Or maybe thats just me. What im saying is, he probably doesnt even care and we're just caring a little too much, when its basically nothing. But actually, it is something. I know what it feels like to feel not good enough, to feel like theres a fault in you that repels him to you. Heck, i know what it feels like to having been told how to act to make him like you. It really does suck. In the end, youre just changing yourself for something thats not worth it. In the end, when things crumble to the ground, you dont even know who you are. In the end, youre just lost, as lost as an ugly duckling.
Idk if itll make you feel better, but 'Aina, i am amazed by you. Your poise, your beauty, your charisma, your charm. Sometimes i feel so much lower than you are, like im overshadowed by your bubbly personality. Sigh. I love you you know. It sucks that your love life is not working out. Sucks that you couldnt share the straight a happiness with him. Its a cruel world.
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