The Un-Remembrance

I thought we had something. Even if it was for a millisecond, i thought there was something between us. Because when we were together the world didn't exist. When we were together, time stopped. Even if it were just innocent boy-girl-crush dates. The feelings were still there -the heart skipping a beat, the butterflies in the stomach, the weakening of the knees - i felt them all for you.

But when you said that you were never serious about anybody before her, i was just speechless. Who was i? Was i that unimportant - were we together too short that it was almost as if it didn't happen? Or am i just to dumb to realise that what happened was close to nothing?

I know it shouldn't bother me, because i should be over you by now considering everything that happened was more than two years ago. But it kinda sucks when you thought you had something with someone and two years later he tells you he was just playing with girls before he got himself a really special girlfriend. It kinda sucks to be unremembered. It kinda sucks to know that you found being with him so special and you thought he felt the same way when in reality it's just you, alone.

I would have said something. I would have gone and asked if i was of any importance to you but why would i even bother. One thing worse than being one of the victims of girls you were just playing around with is to know that all of us before her was no importance to you whatsoever. Because we were never hard enough to get; because we were just there to fill your time, to spice up your life for a short while, where you soon would forget.

It sucks to hold on to something you know you'll never get. It sucks to not let go. It sucks to not be able to let go. It sucks to know that you mean nothing to them but still having to talk to them everyday because that's how it is. It sucks to still want to talk to them even if it hurts. It sucks to be the one hoping all the time. It sucks to still remember when they've forgotten. It sucks to face reality. It sucks to feel.

Truth is, I'm not over you and I don't know if I ever will.