Say It Ten Million Times, It's Never Going to Work

Hey, am I really so annoying lately? I mean, most of the time I talk about Allah, my Lord, and when I'm with my friends, I keep telling them to go pray and all that. But when you think about it, if I don't, I'm the one who gets the sin, because I know it's wrong not to pray, and I don't say anything. It's one of the five pillars of Islam, how can you just be okay missing it?

Maybe I do talk too much about it. One of my friends, my dear friend, actually, and I don't know, I guess it hurt me a bit, said to me, "Amilah, I'm sorry, but, will you stop trying to be my ustazah? It's really annoying sometimes." I'm not quite sure about the last sentence, but she did say something. I just didn't wanna hear it. By the way, if I somehow have a stranger who is not from my country reader, ustazah is a teacher that teaches Islamic Studies. What she said made me think what I said up there. I don't blame her, I'm glad she said it to my face. It's just, now, I'm unsure of what I should say anymore. Because whatever it is that I say, they're not really my words. It's just true, so how am I supposed to.. Aah, I don't know what to say anymore D:

My teacher did say, that if you know something's wrong, you tell. If they don't listen, stop. It's all you can do. It's true what she said, you can really force people to do what you tell them to do. I've learned this thing so many times already, but every time I did, I'll forget. Put yourself in their shoes before saying anything about them. I hope this time I'll remember it always, Atticus Finch from my To Kill a Mockingbird book said, "The only way you can understand people is to put yourself in their shoes." I guess I'd hate it if someone tells me to do this and do that when I already know I've to do it. I just don't understand why people don't do what they have to do. It is what it is. Things are not gonna be my way with people. The world doesn't revolve around me.

The Road Starts Now

Bismillahirahmanirahim, In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

We were born as babies who knew nothing about this world, opened our eyes to the unfamiliar surroundings and in a blink of an eye, we grew. From an infant to a toddler, to a child. As we grew, we learn, to walk, to talk, to read and write. And then we reach an age where we are to set our goals, our career, what we're gonna be when we grow up, how we're gonna live and where. It is now the time that we need to act so that we can have the future that we want. By proving our grades, our achievements.

When we were kids, all of us wanted to be firefighters and doctors and superheroes, people that save other people from danger. Maybe for some, their goal has been set from when they were little. But what about those who change their minds? What about those with doubts? What if they crossed out everything on the career list? Will there be any choice for them? For those whose minds are made up of what they want to be when they grow up, it's easy for them. They just have to work to get what they want. Sure, it might sound hard, to study and memorize all the facts of the human body, to know every single word in the English dictionary, etc. But I think, what's harder is to set your goals.

There are a lot of people who when they grow up, their interests change. And of course one would want to do a job that they'd love, which is doing something that you like. Like a hobby. My mom's one of the people I know who didn't get to pursue her ambition because she wanted to go to England to study, and she only had two choices, Medic or Engineering, so she picked Engineering. She told me her job was boring, and I don't want to be like that, even if it'll make me filthy rich. Sure, she's good at her job, very hardworking, but at the end of the day, you're just not happy. Yeah, you're supposed to be grateful for whatever that happens to you and I get it, you can't choose your future, if it's to happen, then it's to happen, but I mean, if you try hard, it's probably gonna go your way, InsyaAllah.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... how do you know what your passion is? And how are you sure of it? I've been thinking of being a writer since I was eleven. I've been writing about my life (of course the books never ended), how school was, who my friends were and everything! I was so serious about being a writer when I started high school, but then there was that one time (or more), I stopped writing. How am I to know that it's not gonna happen again? What if I picked a course in English Literature or Arts or whatever it is for writing and then I lose my passion? What happens next? I can't just go back and choose Medic all of a sudden.

So yeah, how would I know for sure what I like and who I wanna be? It's been discussed so many times about what I'm to be when I grow up, and I still haven't decided yet.

Lying on the Deathbed, Thinking, "what if?"

Bismillahirahmanirrahim, In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

When you talk about death, it scares you. Forget talk, even when you think about it, it brings goosebumps to your skin. When you think about entering the scary graveyard, dug specially for you, and you'd be covered in a white sheet, lowered in and covered back with the soil that was dug out. From then, you'll be all alone, in the dark. Okay, maybe not. There'll be angels asking you questions, and you will not speak, your body will. For those who did not do good, they will get tortured, a day feels like a thousand years or more. But for those who do, InshaAllah they would have a companion.

But like, you don't know when you're gonna die. It could be tonight, it could be tomorrow. It's all in the hands of God. What if it was too late? What if tomorrow you die, and you didn't get time to finish reading the Quran, or you didn't get time to ask for forgiveness from your Lord? What would happen? When you're in that tiny hole in the ground, you can't turn back time. You can't do the things you wish you had done when you had the time. Youth before old age. Most people take granted of that. Just because they're young, the think they'll live another 30 years, and then they'll be serious about doing good. Getting pahala. I mean, don't you ever stop to think of death? Don't you ever sit and wonder, if you change now, there might still be a chance that Allah would forgive your sins and let you enter Paradise?

If you see kids these days, all they think about is music and entertainment. Exams and grades. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the time they spent doing what Allah likes is just 10 minutes of the whole 24 hours He has given us. Sometimes even less. I'm sorry if whoever you are, you're offended by this, but think about it. Why are you offended? When the azan is sound, you don't immediately go to the bathroom to take your ablution, do you? You wait and wait, saying, "I'll pray later," until it's almost the end of the waktu. Do you know, when you say "later", it means you're saying no to Allah? You reject Him. For what? For music, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Just think, "what is more important?" The more you remember Allah, the more He will remember you.

How exactly are you gonna enter Paradise like that? Doing all that, it's following Satan. I don't know if it's Haram or not, listening to music and tweeting and whatever else. But I sure know that it's what Satan likes. When Allah showed angel Gabriel Paradise, he said, "I think everyone would want to enter here," and he said the opposite to Hell. Then, Allah filled Paradise with hardship, and filled Hell with entertainment. What do you think that means? I'm not saying everyone should never go on Facebook, never listen to music, never have entertainment, but limit yourself. When it's time to pray, pray first, then do whatever. I admit, even I do all that.

Be ready for death. That's what I'm saying. It could be really near and you wouldn't know. Just, be ready. One way is to take the most amazing book ever written and read. Read the Arabic words and read the English translation. I haven't read the translation, but insyaAllah I will, when I finish reading the Quran. But I do, I really really want to. Next time you pray, ask for forgiveness. Allah is Al-Ghafur, the Forgiving. Ask him to give you an nur, light, so one day you'd get your hidayah. InsyaAllah. "Allah won't change someone if he doesn't change himself first."

Ya Allah, bring us to Jannah, Amin.

I Don't Need Medications, Just Stars

I honestly can't tell you how much I love looking at the stars in the dark blue sky at night. They're just so magnificent, so beautiful, little dots in the huge universe, twinkling like a diamond earring. I could just stare at them, SubhanAllah! I could forget about the world, stress and sleepiness. Like how people say, when the Sakura blossoms in Japan, it can heal sickness. The stars are my healer, thanks to Allah, the creator of everything.

Was it me, or was there really not many stars in the sky before this? These past few weeks, after I got back from Europe, there seemed to be more stars than usual. The sky from my bedroom windows looked as if it was day. Light pollution was controlling the amazingly beautiful night sky. Now, it seems as if the lights have dimmed a little, giving the stars a chance to shine.

I went out on the balcony just now, and I just couldn't believe how awesome it felt. There was wind, mildly strong wind blowing in my face, with the sound of waterfalls from downstairs (it's a fish pond, not a waterfall) and the almost fully dark sky decorated with twinkling dots. I might be overreacting but it's just so beautiful, Masya-Allah. I can't say anymore. It's just that. It's beautiful, amazing, magnificent, whatever word in the English language that describes it.

It is the stars, The stars above us, govern our conditions. - William Shakespeare

"History Repeats Itself"

The past, what we've done, the memories we've made, that's what's called history. Of course, not all of our history are in books; like the ones we learn. History on how a country got its independence, about world war, those are the kind of history that affects a large number of people, instead of just one. The mistakes that has been made, they're made again, over and over. We learn from it, we understand what to do when things like what and what happens, and most of the time, we avoid repeating history, but what do you know? It still repeats itself.

Like our personal lives, we made history, our own history, that's shared with no one, but ourselves (and the people that are in it). We, as humans, make mistakes. We find ways to get through the problems, and some time later, something quite similar comes again, and we make the same mistakes. Think about it, all that you've done, past boyfriends or crushes, questions in exams, whatever it is, you will repeat what you've done in the past. Or if it wasn't you who made the history, it could have been someone else. Someone in the past. Of course the repeated history is not exactly the same as the one that was made some time ago, but when you really, really think about it, it's just the same.

What I'm saying is, isn't it incredible? And yet, weird. Somehow, somewhere, sometime before, a person (or more) has been through what we're going through right now. Someone else has made our history, only with different people and in different time.

My friend once told me, that one of the signs of the end of the world is that, the newer the world, the more it reflects the old times. From thousands of years ago. Only in more modern ways. We might not see it with our eyes, it can only work in the mind. There are some things in this world that can't be explained, I guess this is one of them. Only Allah knows.

"History repeats itself" - Anonymous