Would You Marry You?

Okay, I took that from a book, but whatever. I'm gonna write about it anyway.

So, would you? Would you marry you? Answer it honestly, 'cause if you lie, you're just lying to yourself. And who's gonna trust you, if you lie to yourself?

If I were to ask myself that question, which I am currently doing, I don't think so. That's honest, okay? I mean, from the outside, if I were to pick whom I'd wanna marry, just from the outside, then yeah. I guess I'd marry me. Not to be vain or anything, but yeah LOL. But if you're asking if I'd marry me for me, for who I am inside, I guess not. Because, well, I'm just not that good of a person.

It helps if you list out the things about you. Good and bad. There's no need to say you're boasting or being vain or whatever. It's a fact. Live with it. Be honest. No one is gonna see it, so yeah. But just to give you a boost, and to get MY answers, I shall list down mine. Not here, though.

If you're the kind of person who's self-centered, emotional, whiny, evil and all that, would you wanna marry you? People judge you on how you judge yourself. So, if your answer to my question is no or maybe, wouldn't it be the time to change? I know a saying that says, "If not now, when?" Ask yourself that, will you?

You Can't Do It, Shut Up.

I don't get it! I just don't get it! How can someone say to another person that he/she should be like this and that, but he/she him/herself is worse? How can someone feel like nothing's wrong with him/herself? Seriously, how? Just tell me a few reasons, and I'll shut up.

I'm not saying that I don't do that. Well, I don't. Not anymore. I did that a few months back, but I changed. Because when someone tells me hurtful words, I don't know. I guess it just gets to me. And all the time I put into the sadness and anger, I just get used to the way I act, and I change.

It's not that I expect people to be perfect, because I'm not perfect, it's just, I don't get how a person can be so bad. No, I don't get how I could have been so bad for the past few months. I don't get how I could look myself in the mirror. In fact, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. So, how can these people, who think they are so good, who think that they would never lose anybody, because they are so "nice" to them, look at their reflections in the mirror? How can these people, who tell other people how bad they are, live their life like nothing's wrong? Like nothing's bothering them?

Urgh, I don't want to continue writing. It just sucks. To know that all this while, you had a friend who just used you. Well, kinda of like that. And now, I've broken my promise not to get upset or angry. So, if you feel even the slightest bit of guilt, you know I'm talking about you. Thank you for making me lose the chance to think positively :).

Hm :|

It's just weird now. Just weird. Can pictures change? I don't know, it's just different when I look at it again. Not that I was trying to find anything, just trying to relive the memories. 'Cause well, you can say that I miss him. I mean, us. I don't know la. I'll just have to smile and forget about it. I hope it doesn't haunt me though.

Who knows? Maybe I'll get over him in a few days. A lot can change, really.

I'm Just.... Curious :\

I do not understand how somebody can let go of the person he/she loved for a long period that easily. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, I'm just curious. I've read in books, I've seen on movies about this situation. In fact, I've lived through it. I mean, of someone letting go of me, that is. Not the other way around. Because honestly, I've never really loved anybody, except for that guy I was in a relationship with for nine months, which in teenage life, felt like years.

Okay, so back to the point. How do you people do it? Letting go of someone who you were sure of going to be yours till the day you die. Letting go of someone who meant the world to you. Letting go of someone you've been through a lot with. Just... how? Could it be because you never really loved that person? Then, the whole "I love you," was a lie? If so, how could you lie to someone about loving them? Doesn't the word, "love" mean anything to you? For someone to love another, it takes a lot of okay, well, I don't know, really. But it's just something that you cannot lie about. You just can't.

Think about it. If you loved this one person will all your heart, and you're in a relationship with him/her, you say, "I love you," meaning it, and the other person reply, but with no feeling at all. How would you feel? Like you've been fooled or something.

I'm not saying that my relationship with that guy (let's call him Dude), was a lie. Because I know it wasn't. Well, at least at first it wasn't. Because there is this one picture, where I can just see it in his eyes, that he was in love. You know when you look at someone's eyes, you can see if it's true or not, their love for you? And then, when you know it's real, it sends you shivers. That's how I felt whenever I looked in his eyes. Before we broke up, I mean.

Wait, wait, didn't I say I wasn't pointing fingers at anyone? =.='' Hm, will someone just tell me, how can you let go of someone so easily? Do you ever had hopes for that someone to tell you that he/she still loves you? Not a lot, just a tiny part in your heart, about 1% of it, hoping that you'll get back together. I'm not saying I'm desperate to get back together with Dude, but it's just well, like I said... I'm curious. Because I know I have a feeling inside of me, just a little bit, because I know he's um, well, let's just say he's moved on, that hopes for him to miss me and want me back.

I honestly do not know what I'm doing. I'm not in love with him anymore. At least, I think I'm not. I don't know, I'm confused. Just.. really confused. And curious. I was sure I wasn't in love with him, at least, until he told me he's moved on and my heart just totally sand and my smile, from laughing out loud watching that funny college guy's videos, turned into a frown. Disappointed look, to be exact. I lost my mood to chat. I just went inside my room and wrote on blank papers.

And today, while being a mannequin for my jubah, I felt tears watering my eyes. My heart was beating fast. And loud. So what am I feeling, actually? No, I do not want Dude back. I don't. Well, just a little bit. That 1% thing I talked about. But just that. I don't want him back, 'cause I know we'll never work out. When I think about it, we have nothing to talk about. Nothing. Much. I don't know. I'm seriously confused.

I remember, that one night, I was really, hyper, back when we were back together. I guess I was waiting for him to go online or something. I was chatting with DD. We were listing facts/reasons about and why we like our guys. i reached till 55, I think, but some of them are repeats.

1. Kinda cute

2. Sweet

3. Makes me laugh

4. Um, I kinda can talk to him for like, two hours and not even notice it, but then it gets bored lah

5. His eyes tell me A LOT

6. He’s very romantic actually

7. He makes me feel so confident, somehow

8. I like the way he chats, not like other guys, cam lame gila

9. I know he’s not the kinda guy who I wish I have, but I know he means well when he tells me I make mistakes

10. He’s tall and I SO DIG tall dudes

11. His hands are soft

12. I somehow sorta kinda sorta like his odour, although I can’t really stand it

13. I find him interesting

14. He talks like he’s such a sweet guy, I mean, his voice, it’s so… sweet, somehow

15. He treats me differently

16. He says stuff to me like it’s nothing, when it means SO MUCH

17. He gets on my nerves, LOL

18. No matter how mad I get at him, I’ll still wanna talk to him

19. He really doesn’t know me xD

20. I kinda sorta think he’s hot/extremelycuuuuuuuute when he’s like, all shy and embarrassed but smiling and looking down.

21. He actually finishes his homework

22. He likes Korean songs

23. And likes to speak in other languages other than English and Malay

24. He’s awesome with pranks

25. He knows my voice too well, like this one time, he called me, and then, I said I was fine, but I was really not, and he could really sense it.

26. He remembers things

27. He talks about us getting married

28. He is sooooo much like a girl, in a guyish way

29. I can talk to him about anything, just anything

30. Here’s one thing I realized when I looked at yours, HE NEVER APOLOGIZES!

31. I can never tell if he’s lying or telling the truth about loving me, but I guess that’s the fun in it, cause I never know.

32. He doesn’t really care if I hang out with his guy friends.

33. He knows he can’t change my immaturity, so he joins me.

34. Omg, he totally loves me.

35. He makes it hard NOT to smile when I think about him.

36. He can make me daydream ALLLLLL day long.

37. He never shows his jealousy for some reason. I don’t even know if he gets jealous.

38. He doesn’t text when he goes offline all of a sudden, or call.

39. In fact, he doesn’t do them at all xD.

40. I realize that I’m nothing without him. My whole life revolves around him. Since the star of last year.

41. He LOVES Mars candy bar.

42. He hates people doing “-.-“ but he does it

43. He loooooves games, shooting games specifically.

44. He can’t live one day without thinking about blue stuff. DO NOT ASK. It’s disgusting.

45. He’s totally in love with his body.

46. He doesn’t like to describe people as “hot” nor does he like people to describe him as “hot”

47. He doesn’t wanna admit that he looks so damn cute in a baju melayu.

48. He gets emotional easily. Well, dulu lah, now not really.

49. Omg, 50 already? LOLOL, okayh umm… He NEVER takes a picture with his face on it. It’s always the side =.=’’

50. He doesn’t like compliments.

51. He thinks I’m beautiful, which is tooooootally a lie.

52. He knows how to calm me down. Something like that.

53. Like yours, he knows to cheer me up and make me feel sooooo much better.

54. If he cares, he doesn’t show it. (did I say that already?)

LOL, I guess that's over now. So, someone out there, I know there are people who read my blog, 'cause you know, you guys tell me so, so like, answer my questions. Because I do not want to be confused anymore. It's hard, and really, really tiring.

Regrets.

The thing about regrets is that, it's pointless. Honestly speaking, you should never really regret anything. Because, what's happened has happened and there is no way you could redo it. What's happened is meant to be. It's been planned to be that way. But just because something that's happened is bad, doesn't mean there's no bright side of it. Every single thing that happens in this world, in your life, is for the better. You just have to choose to see it brightly. It's your choice, really.

Suppose you're sad after somebody you really loved died. Okay, yes, there would be pain. And it'll hurt for who knows how long? But then again, there's a world that's always kind to you. Fine, not always. But have you ever thought that it happened because it's related to you? And of course, nobody lives forever. Duh. Maybe you were a bad kid before that person died, or you didn't appreciate people enough, and when that person died, it teaches you a lesson. You never really notice something when they're gone, you know.

A lesson. Instead of taking something bad as a mistake or a regret, try taking it as a lesson. When you fight with your best friend, about something you did, don't regret it. It's like, it happened so that you'd know never to do it again. That's the lesson. But if you choose to see it as a mistake, and you'd tell yourself, "If I hadn't done that, everything would have been fine," you'd never find a way to solve it.

I'm repeating the same stuff over here. You cannot turn back time. Time is like a flowing river. It just goes on. It doesn't turn back, does it? Of course, if your watch is like, 10 minutes faster, and then you make it the right time, that's turning time but don't focus on silly stuff like that! But even if that happens, you can't undo your mistakes, can you? Even if you could turn back time, (which you can't cause that's one of the things that are impossible) what would you do? And when you change the past, how would you really feel? In the future or present or whatever I mean.

Conclusion is, there is no point of regretting things. See the brighter side of things next time, okay?