April 2010

April has it's ups and downs. Most of 'em are downs. Well, actually, April sucked. I lost my best friend. I lost people's trust. I lost some friends. But, I gained people's love. Got new best friends. Stuff like that. Actually, every month has their ups and downs. But, April is the worst la for some reason. Why? Because.....

On April Fool's Day, there wasn't that much fooling people. Except screaming at John Jeet. Haha xD. That's the Chinese people and Lily. LOL. That was fun. On Lutfil's birthday, I gave him an Archie comic book I can find that looks "new" in my house. Sorry, Lutfil! I didn't have time to buy. Kawad practice from the starting of April was kinda good. It was better. The first time I started kawad, I want it to end as soon as possible. I hated kawad. But, the week before the Sports' Day, I don't want kawad practice to end. Sometimes when I think about how fun kawad practice was nowadays, I feel something in my heart. I think I miss kawad practice. Kawad practices went better that the actual competition. Sports' Day was.... It was okay. We kawad people had to wear card boards and masks. GREEN! I kinda forgot the lines. Silly me. Hehe. After the 'perbarisan', I tried to hang out with Lily and Raihah but it was damn stressful. Lily keeps "marah-ing" me. I couldn't take it, so, I went with Zafirah instead and avoided Lily and Raihah for the whole day. Me and Zafirah hung out with un-random people xD. Then, blah blah. Stuff happens. I sent a picture of Nadhrah to Haziq. Was teasing him, but got someone mad. Syahbandar got second for kawad!!!! WOOHOO!! That sounds wrong!

Then, there was this big fight between me and Lisa. I think it was because of I sent the picture of Nadhrah to Haziq. I don't know lah!!!! Read the blog post below. Raihah tried to defend me, but it didn't work. They were too good at denying stuffs and their minds work fast. But, whatever la. Sometimes losing is the best thing. Sometimes losing is winning. Being the bigger person is better. The winner. Kinda. AHH!! I'd fight back (again) but, never mind. Let them live their lives. Happily without me in it. But the thing I hate most is that, since we had this fight, someone accused me of saying Aqilah (1 Budi) is this and that. How come?! Just to make me not friends with them again? People, can't change them.

Dina made this new joke about '30 Juta' ... Whatever that is. LOL. Everything anybody asks her, she'd answer that and look up. And then, something about Explosive Diarrhea! Haha. It's weird. You may not get it now, but if you hang with us, you'd laugh this you have EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA! Hahahahaha!!! *laughing right now* Dina is being kacau-ed by Poop Guy a.k.a Dennis-whatever-his-name. Fatihah(1 Maju) likes him. How? I don't know. So weird.

Umaar said that I have lotsa people who likes me. There's like, 4 or 5. Something like that. But most of them are.... eww-y kinda guys. They are BLUE!!!! or maybe RED!!!! hahah. Red is worse than blue. I wonder why they like me. People say I'm hot, but to me, what's so hot about me? I don't think so. Sarah Nur Izzati said it too.... Haziq said it's because I'm pretty. Well, yeah, sometimes I do think I'm pretty. Not to be perasan or anything la. There are lots of other pretty girls in the world. Why me? There's Raihah, there's Dina, there's Adilah, there's Nurin, there's Lily, there's Nadhrah, there's Salsabilla, there's Razleena and many more, so, why me?! Sometimes I just don't understand guys. But they are really fun and cool to hang with. Really! :D

Haziq met a new person to love. Good news is that she loves/likes him too. YAY!!! Sorry people who feel offended. I don't wanna go through the fight again, but it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. And, it's not a gossip site or whatever. So, if you are offended, don't read lah! -.-'' Don't complain if I'm happy. It's not a sin to feel happy. And, it's your fault for reading this. It's not public because not everybody reads this... Anyway, they look cute together!! :D WEE!!! My best friend likes a nice girl!!! :D

What else happened this month?? April is a month full of memories. I don't regret any of it. Sorry if I made mistakes. Thanks for the memories, Lisa and the others. Now, it's time for a new beginning :P. Kinda. Since it's a new month, it's a new life. Tomorrow's a new day with no mistakes in it, yesterday's a memory that will be kept in your heart for the rest of your life and today is a lesson, so that we won't do the same mistakes over and over again. :D Keep that in mind although it's not right... Haha xD

Sorry I sent this on 1st of May. Yesterday tak se mpat. Had to go off.... To this Penang trip -.-''. I'm tanned... Have a nice May!!!!!!! Good Luck!! Hope you people get straight A's!!! And, I hope that May turns out better than I hope it would! :D

Fights

We all have fights. It doesn't matter if you're best friends, enemies or strangers. We all do. It's a normal thing. Fights often start as small jokes. Then, suddenly, it gets bigger and bigger until almost everybody is involved. It just happens like that. No matter who you are, one of the popular people, one of the lamest people, it just happens like that or maybe it will. Fights start when a person did something wrong or something like that.

The most recent fights I have been in was with Lisa. Well, it started with Haziq liking Nadhrah or something. Then, later later.... it became big. Most of the Form 1 people knows, some other people who are not really involved knows, even a teacher knows they say. But I guess, fights like this, just spread really fast. Maybe some fights stay in one group but some other spreads all over. It maybe because a person told them or something. I don't know who, but there must be a person. And, I'd rather the fight just be between the people who are really involved. Broken English, I know.. Blah.. But yeah, who wants a small thing turn into a big thing and everybody knows about it? No one, right? So, whoever reading this knows the person who told the other people, can you please tell them not to? Because , I don't know them. And, ask them for me, do they like it if I do it to them? Tell everything about the fight....

Anyway, the fight.... I don't really know la why we fight. Why? Because I back stabbed you? So what? Everybody back stabs everybody when they're mad. Yes, I am sorry but I don't know la. I don't know what to say now. I don't wanna say what I feel because I know it's wrong. And, no, I did not think about how you feel. You guys say I should think about others' feelings, but what about mine? Don't you think I have feelings? Yes, I know, I should really think about stuff first before I say them, but sometimes, people don't think. I'm not saying you guys, I'm saying me. And maybe some other people too. So, it's a mistake. A simple mistake that got into a big thing. Okay, I admit that I was wrong to give Haziq the picture of Nadhrah, but it was just a joke at first. See? It all happens because of a joke. -.-''. I did not think how you would feel at that time. But like I said, people sometimes don't think. You guys don't too sometimes. Really, it's not just me. Try thinking again. Yeah, maybe you don't do these things to your best friends but I don't know la you guys. I admit that I was wrong for stuffs I did wrong whatever that is. I really am sorry.

Seriously, people, I am sorry. If you say you don't believe that I'm sorry, or you don't forgive me, then, it's your problem. I apologized and I'm willing to do anything, just that, you guys also don't know what you want me to do, how am I supposed to prove that I really am sorry? I'd do your homework, be your slaves or whatever you guys wanna do to me. Although I think that's too harsh or just taking advantage of me, I don't mind. Anything to make you guys happy and anything to make you guys forgive me. But I will not stop being friends with Haziq even if it's the only thing that can make you guys forgive me. That's the only thing I can't do. Even if you ask for it, I cannot. If you really wanna know why, you ask me la. If you guys really hate me, then, there's nothing I can do.

Actually, to be honest, I don't regret the fights. All the fights I had, taught me a lesson. Big and small. They all teach lessons. Somehow. You get to know what kind of friend that person you're fighting with, is. You get to discover new things. You realized how bad it is. Yes, you lose people's trust but, at least you learn something. (you means me la) . Maybe the person you lose trust with isn't really your friend. Fights are sometimes also fun too. Somehow. Sometimes, when you fight, if you cry, means that you really want that person to be your friend again but if you don't, that means you don't care, I guess. Well, not care that much. I didn't cry. Well, I did, but not until my eyes were red, face turn pale and stuff... Just that, my eyes watered a bit.

You guys, the people who are involved or just trying to be involved, I'm sorry. I don't know how to show that, but I really am sorry. You guys wanna hate me, hate me la. I just gotta accept the fact. But I just wanna say, hating somebody is a sin. So, I picked to not hate you guys. I don't wanna make this fight bigger. If you guys do, it's your problem. I'm not gonna be in it. Everything you say, I'll just respond, "I'm sorry, are we done here?". That's the only thing I'm gonna say if this thing gets bigger. Now, I'm sorry, I know I said that like a million times already, but I just want you guys to hear it. If you can't hear it, then, tell me. I'll go face to face with you or mouth to ear... :P But seriously guys, I don't wanna make this bigger. Tomorrow is the last day. Don't wanna forgive me, it's okay. As long as you guys know I'm sorry.

Apology Letter To Lisa

Lisa, I understand that you maybe mad at me. It's my fault. Well, part of it la. You did do something to make me mad at you. Yeah, you changed. I gotta accept that. I mean, we all change. There's not one person who doesn't change. Anyway, if our friendship were really to end, I'd want it to end NOT because we're mad at each other or something. But, because it's really meant to end. But, to me, friendships never end. It's just.... we're not as close as before. I do miss hanging out with you. But, seeing that you changed to one of those people, it hurts me you know. 'Cause it makes me think that I lose my best friend. If you wanna be gedik with them, it's okay with me. But, when you're with me, can't you be the way you used to be? If you can't, it's okay. Maybe you fit in with those people, not my kinda people. Having a friend like you, really is something. Sometimes you do act like a whore or a slut or a bitch or whatever la... I don't even know what those things mean anymore... but, it's you. I can't change you. I can't control you.

Yes, I do forget about the great times we had when I'm mad. But, you do too. I mean, who doesn't? Are we gonna let our friendship die just because of those people you hang out with? I don't wanna judge them because they're them and yeah, you're right, I maybe one of them too. But you gotta know, since you had a boyfriend, you acted badly. I mean, couldn't you at least be nicer to him? Maybe your best friends act like bitches to their boyfriends but you don't have to be. Just be yourself la. He didn't even ask for more than what you can give him. But then, it's too late already. He's fallen in love with another person and you broke up already. Just to tell you, when you have your next boyfriend, don't act like the way you treated Haziq. Even if it is a dare, you should deny it. Sacrifice. If the dare says that if you don't do the dare they asked you to, you'd have to embarrass yourself, it's for the best. But, I don't expect you to do it.

I know I menyampah dengan your best friends but, not everybody likes everybody. Maybe you like them, maybe I don't. Maybe I like Dina, maybe you don't. We can't change it. All that matters is ourselves. Leave them to their business. If they wanna back stab me, then, do it la. If you wanna join them, it's okay. I have been extra bitchy nowadays since you're friends with them. Maybe they support you 100% but I can't support you 100%. Maybe sometimes I can, but sometimes, you gotta think who's right and who's wrong. If you really think that you are right, then, go ahead. Do what you think is best.

Maybe I do judge people. But you do too. Lisa, you shouldn't have said that Nadhrah is not pretty and her voice sucks and all. She's beautiful. I mean, everybody is beautiful in their own way. I know I judge people too but, I'll try to stop. I know it's not right. And, if I wanna judge people, I should not judge about them in front of you or while on the phone with you. I know I'm wrong, sorry. I'd take back the words I've said but unfortunately , I can't. It's weird how people can think... erm... if that person said something bad, and they take it back... people think that it's okay. But, you gotta realize that if I say "I take back my words", doesn't change a thing. It's already been said. Nothing you can do. Think about it. Maybe I am wrong, but, the way I see it, taking back some words you just said doesn't change a thing. Better apologize than saying "I take back those words" .

I'm sorry Lisa. I really am. I hope you forgive me. :)

How Amazing My Friends Are

We have good friends, bad friends, popular friends but most important of all are best friends. Okay, this might be boring to you but it means a lot to me. I have like, 3, 4 best friends? I mean, real best friends la. They support me no matter what (sometimes) , like me whether I change or not (sometimes) and they're nice to me. I'll start off with Raihah aka Raice. :D

Raihah. A beautiful girl who thinks she is lame and not beautiful. But, truthfully, she is. She really is. Inside and outside. There's nothing else to say. She just is. If you think bad about her, DON'T! Get to know her first. Then, you can judge her. The way I judge her: beautiful, nice, funny, talented, awesome and just perfect. If I ever make mistakes to her, I'll so regret it. Like, really. I mean, who would ever wanna lose a friend like you, Raihah? The other day, when she was mad at me because of some simple mistakes, I can't sleep. I wrote 3 pages of A4 paper about how sorry I am. I think she lost the paper, but, who cares? As long, as she accepts my apology and is not mad at me right now. Raihah, I'd go all the way to the bottom of the ocean to find the things you need but unfortunately, I can't. I'm only human. Sorry :).

Haziq... The guy known as my psychologist-best-friend :D. Haha. Haziq is a guy I met in SAB. I think I just met him and he's my best guy friend and we're in different classes. Wow, we clicked. He's a psychologist because he's .. i don't really know how to explain but if you're friends with him, you'd never wanna lose him. He's the best guy friend I've ever met. He even beat Malik. I mean, last year, if I'm sad or anything, I'd go to Malik, but now, I have someone better. Haziq, you're a nice guy although you're evil and you have a red mind. And, you know, you're the guy that I can talk about everything. Well, not everything la but a lot of things. Like, my conflicts with my friends, you're the only one who helped. Lisa won't even look in my eyes when I told her about my conflicts. I mean, you helped, a lot. Even if you don't know it, you did. Maybe you feel like you didn't do anything, but, I don't know, to me, you did something. And, you're such a supporting person. I mean, even my girl friends don't support me as much as you do.

Dina. Dina is by far the weirdest, craziest, most like a kid person to be my best friend. I like that. It's fun being friends with you. You don't like to tell about you. I mean, most of the people I know only talks about them but not you. You're the one who listens and yeah, you judge people but it's not harsh. Really, it's not. Even when it is really bad judging, it's not really that harsh. It's awesome how you do that. And, you laugh at the silliest thing! Dina, you seem like a tomboy but you're really a girly girl :D. I mean, a cupboard full of barbies? It's amazing how you can keep it for years and it's not ruined! Sorry I told your secret but .. it's too awesome to keep it a secret. You're cool and fun and childish and MAD! You're just MAD!!! MAD WOMAN !!! MAD!! :P lol. In a good way. When we first met I didn't like you, now, you're one of my heroes. Best friends. Well, you're my best friend :).

Zafirah. Last but not least. Haha. No lah. Zafirah, you're really weird. You're cute to me. For a grandma, you're the best. You have no best friends but you're mine. You think before you talk, you think before you do anything. You're like a little kid. I like that. I don't know you that much but, I know you enough to make you my best friend. Sorry that I'm not writing so much about you. Something happened and I am blank! Dude, I know you love me. You wouldn't call me to ask what I was doing if you don't.

So, to you guys, I'm sorry if I did something wrong or said something wrong, made you sad, upset or mad. I'm really sorry. If I can, I wanna give you more than what I can give you guys to show my appreciation. I know this doesn't mean much, but, it's still something, right? You guys have given me the best moments this year. You guys are the people I can count on. Sorry if your name is not in it but, these are the only people I care most. If anything would ever happen to you, I'd be the first (After your family) to help you. I'd do anything to repay your kindness. But, as I said, I can't. I'm only human. I can only give you what I have now. True friendship. Nothing else. Sorry and thank you :)

Friends

We all have friends. Best friends... (not good at writing the start.... so, dnt mind it) we start getting friends by knowing their names and stuff and then, if we get along, we become good friends. Not long after that, best friends. Okay, sounds so stupid la. I'll just get to the next paragraph.

Who says guys and girls can't be best friends? They can, right? If they can't, why do they invent school with boys and girls? Some people think that guys are only friends with guys and if they talk to girls, they like that girl or the other way around with girls. Why? A guy could be a girl's best friend like a diamond is a girl's best friend. When you are someone's best friend, you start to care about them. Like, when Haziq said he was gonna move on May 3rd, I was like, well, my eyes watered. I don't want him to go. Yes, I don't want him to go, but it is not because I have feelings for him or anything. Just that, he's a good friend of mine and I do care about him. If he leaves, I'll miss him. That's call caring not having feelings for him. I could never imagine having feelings for Haziq. But when I found out that it was just a joke, I was so so so happy! Like, Maddi and that Mad Hatter guy, they're best friends. I bet if one of them had to leave the school, they'd both cry. Not because they have feelings for each other, but because they love each other. If they have feelings for each other, they'd be a couple centuries ago.

I hate people who think this person likes this person only because they always talk to each other. So what? Do you talk about those people because you like one of them? If you don't, then, why do you wanna talk about them? Just leave them to their business la. But if they really are a couple, then, if you wanna talk about them, talk la. Some girls are good friends with guys because they get along better with guys. Why? I don't know. But I think I'm one of them. I like hanging with guys. Not because I have feelings for them but because, they make jokes out of everything. Not that Raihah and Dina don't, just that, sometimes I like hanging with them more than with Raihah, Dina or Lily. If guys and girls being friends are treated like that, why should they be friends?

If you want good friends, you gotta take care of them. Care more. Take good care of their feelings but never tell a lie. If my best friends left me alone or moving away or anything, I'd cry. For days if it's true!! So, Raihah, Dina Sabrina, Zafirah and Haziq, don't change schools!!!