Stay Today, Run Tomorrow

Deep I look into those brown eyes,

They are like the dark night skies;

I can hear the sounds,

Of the heavy heart that pounds.

The darling buds of May,

How is it do I say;

The feelings that I keep,

Before I go out to sleep?

Joy of today and tomorrow, 

Will leave me in great sorrow;

Don't go, please?

It is my heart you seize.

To love is to have lived,

But my heart is deprived;

From the greatness of feeling,

Seeing you, it is me you're killing.

You are but mine,

I must stay out of line,

Let it go, let it go,

Oh if only you'd know.

Time has passed,

I've had my chance;

It is different now,

Maybe later time would allow.

It all seems vain,

I must get out before I become the bane;

They love lots,

I'm left with a train of thoughts.

I hear the rings of the bell,

Time to say farewell;

Faith will bring you,

To a new angle of view.

Strings of Words on Paper

This is just a message. If I die, one of you have to do something for me. I wrote a letter to someone, and I'm gonna put it the pink envelope at the back of my diary. Give it to the person it was addressed to. My diary is in my house, at the almari under the stairs, where all my school books are.

Not that I'm saying anything is gonna happen, I just want someone to know, so that the message is sent. And do not ask me anything about this in school or anywhere else, I'm not answering lalala~

She Who Runs

Fear. It is a subject that is always present in you. It holds you back from doing things you want to do; it makes you weak. Fear. It's always here.

Sometimes it's just like I don't have anyone to talk to, you know. I mean, yes, I have you, whoever is reading this right now, but you know that feeling when you either don't want to talk to them or you're just afraid that if you talk to them, they'll judge you or get bored of you. I have never had that friend who I can tell absolutely everything to, from my happiest moments to the most miserable things. It has always been that I have this friend who I talk to about things like these, and this friend who I talk to about things like that. No one who I can sit with, staring at the world, and just enjoy the moment. Not like a boyfriend or anything, cause you know, boyfriends don't really last.. But a best friend. A real best friend.

It's times like these where I wish I had one of those friends I can tell anything to, because I am scared. I'm scared of her who never shows her feelings; I'm scared of her who wants things the way she wants; I'm scared of him who's way out of my league; I'm scared of her who never disappoints people and I'm scared of him who expresses absolutely nothing. It is this fear of disappointing people that I have, this fear of making them sad or angry. It's there and it doesn't go away and god, I just wish I have someone there to talk about it with.

But when I talk about myself, I fear that they're left out because when it's their turn to talk, I go away. What is the meaning of being a good friend if you do not listen to the other person's story? It doesn't  have to be a good friend, even a friend would give his/her ears for a minute in exchange. Ahh I don't know what I'm saying anymore I'm just so scared of people, it's like I can't stand up for myself, I can't say what I think I should say and I take advantage of those people who are there for me and I sniff the feet of those who who says, "forget about Amilah."

And now every time I think of what she did this morning, and what she said the other day, I get so angry I swear, I could be a fire burning dragon and burn a whole kingdom. If I could, I'd scream at her telling her what I really think of her and just end my relationship with her family. But her parents are good people and I can't just cut the relationship off like that to the people who have been nothing but kind to me. It's life that's the problem. We live in lies. Whatever we feel about one another, we lie. We don't ever say how we really think of them because even if you don't admit it, we are sensitive and we'd get hurt.

Fear is what holds you back.