Not that I expect any of you to get me what I'm gonna ask for, but take it as a clue of what I would want as my birthday present :). That is, if you are getting me one >.> Not that I mind! So, relax if you aren't.
And so the list starts..
1. A set of Lego.
2. A packet of chocolate/coffee macaroons from Harrods.
3. Cardigans. Not black or grey, maybe white or beige or brown, one that's soft and covers ze butt, and is plain!
4. Stripy, colourful socks! :D Not knee length or ankle length though.
5. Pretty things :3
6. A box of Patchi's dark chocolates.
7. A notebook, a journal la. Um, paperluxe, like my normal ones. Or well, whatever journal with not so huge lines and white paper, and is easy to open and write on works. With a pretty cover, that is.
8. A pair of white jeans.
9. More scarves~ Selendangs, I mean. Not brown though, i have two of those ._.
10. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, the original play.
11. Food, omg im so hungry right now. A box of Beard Papa's vanilla cream puffs, just for moi !
12. A Bros bottle, with the new design, the pretty ones :>
13. A real piano.
14. Running shoes! Not from Adidas though, me no likey.
15. A bag, a small one where i can fit my purse and phone.
16. A Sophie Kinsella book. I think I just may fall in love with her now hahah.
17. To get away from all these cakes and forks, especially the tiramisu. The drama, not the people. But I guess the drama comes with the people, so the people jugak. Unless they wanna make me happy.
18. Oversize shades~
19. Perhaps a teddy bear. Or a bunny bear ?
20. Moisturizing hand lotion xD
21. THOSE CLARKS SANDALS, THEY ARE SO PRETTY WHY I NO HAVE MONEH?! :(
22. Baking tools, I miss baking :(
23. T-shirts, I still don't have a lot ._.
24. Anything cute.
25. Maped compass, the one with a pencil, i think it's 6.80.
You know, all these gifts might be on my wishlist, and if I do get them, I'd be so thrilled, no matter who it's from, and what it may be. But one thing that can't compete is you walking in the neighborhood with me; feeling as if I'm special again. Depends if I ever was, but yeah, that's kinda it. Like I said, I'm not expecting anything. Heck, I don't even expect you to remember my birthday. It'd just be great if you'd show me you still have feelings for me.. I guess I just miss you. And yes I know, you're never gonna see this and I'm just being as pathetic as ever writing this down, making it for you to read when you never will. Or even if you do, you wouldn't even care! Like how you ended the chat so fast, that's how we were.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
And I Love You Till the End
I remember your smile as the evening sun shone on your face,
I remember your laugh, your voice,
The strength you had, holding me when I was falling,
Where had that all gone?
Was I in a dream or was it real?
If I was, who is so cruel to get me out?
I wasn't a damsel in distress, I wanted to be in there,
I was enjoying every single moment I had with you,
You are like no other.
The circuits in our skins connected and burst,
Like fireworks on New Year's eve.
You, of all people, had managed to take my breath away,
Letting me go into that world, the world I fear,
The world of Love.
My heart was content,
It was pulling me, dragging me,
Not stopping til in my head there were only those three words,
"I love you."
I love you. I love you will all my heart,
I love you so that I knew.
I knew something was not right,
And I was not sure to love or to let go.
I held on. How stupid of me?
I should have let go, I should have told myself to enjoy Europe,
Because you have already slipped away from me,
Two weeks was too long.
Words are not heard, eyes are not seen,
Our skins touched,
The electricity must have faded along with the feelings,
Hearts do know how to play games.
Is it over?
Just tell me if it is,
I can't hold on to it much longer,
I am hanging on a tree branch,
I want to get off.
It's okay if I am left,
It is always okay.
Love is just too good to be true,
Especially if you were me.
Sadness and happiness come and go,
Hearts pump fast and slow,
To let go of someone you love,
Gives me a reason to start from up above.
I will fall into the arms of my knight in shining armor,
It is just not you.
You, the one I fell in love with,
I can't be with you as much as I want to.
You don't feel the same way, I know.
Love you till the end - the Pogues
I.I.
The Adventures of Mixed Feelings,
forever in my memories.
Friday, June 15, 2012
If Only Words Were Said At The Right Time
"If I didn't say what I said that night, would anything have changed?" Tammy asked her best friend, Carter as she laid on the grass next to him, looking at the stars. He was the first person that came to her mind after her break up with her boyfriend, Sam. She came to him with teary eyes and he offered her a hug and said nothing else; he knew. There was always something about him, it was as if they could feel each other.
They talked as the evening sun turned to dusk and dusk turned to night. They had went to their hiding spot, where nobody else knew but them. A year before when they'd met, it was right there, coincidentally. They started hanging out and as their friendship bloomed, feelings started to kick in. They'd spend every moment they could there, talking as if time wasn't an issue and the world was not in their dictionary. Tammy found out that Carter was a lot like her. But their relationship didn't last long, it was only about a month when she woke up on day feeling nothing.
As they talked about her failed relationship, he comforted her, telling her she's special to him, in a way. Carter's always had this charm in him, where he could make Tammy smile with just simple words. He could flash her that smile that always gave her heart a little squeeze. But she knew she had no actual feelings for him; Carter was no more than a best friend and he had a girlfriend. There was no way Tammy would ever go in between their relationship.
After the sun had set and the sky's turned dark blue, they laid down on the grass, talking about them. About them, about what happened. It started when Carter told her, "guys are jerks." And she'd agreed, saying, "you were a jerk too, you know. Last year, I was still in love with you when you talked to me about Brenda. It was as if she was some kind of an extraordinary girl whom you've never met before and I was just there, listening to my heart breaking."
Carter sat up, looking at Tammy. "What? Wait, you never told me this. Why'd you say you were over me that night when I asked you what you were confused about?" he asked, his face puzzled.
Tammy got up as well, looking right into his eyes and thought for a second before replying, "because I was confused! I didn't know what to say. We weren't talking much at that time, and then there was that event in school, one which you didn't say a word to me!" Silence. And they laid back down, stargazing. "If I didn't say what I said that night, would anything have changed?"
"I don't know, maybe. We might still be together."
"No, no, no. You're with Brenda now, and you love her with all your heart, the universe has told you who you're meant to be with. And besides, weren't you already crushing on Brenda at that time? You and her were in the same sleepover at that dude's house mid-year last year, and you accidentally touched her hand and felt that zap of electricity. Right?'
"Yeah, but I just liked her. I could have stopped anytime. When you said you were over me, I was thinking of what I did wrong.. I thought you had fully given up on me, so I was like, okay. Brenda it is then. I felt like there was no point in liking you anymore," Carter said, his voice so full of feelings.
"Well, it's over now. You and Brenda will live together forever and ever."
And right there, Tammy thought, is this real? Or is he just saying this for fun? Does he still think about it? If he does, then does that mean we might have a chance together? Her heart made a leap and brought her back to reality.
They talked as the evening sun turned to dusk and dusk turned to night. They had went to their hiding spot, where nobody else knew but them. A year before when they'd met, it was right there, coincidentally. They started hanging out and as their friendship bloomed, feelings started to kick in. They'd spend every moment they could there, talking as if time wasn't an issue and the world was not in their dictionary. Tammy found out that Carter was a lot like her. But their relationship didn't last long, it was only about a month when she woke up on day feeling nothing.
As they talked about her failed relationship, he comforted her, telling her she's special to him, in a way. Carter's always had this charm in him, where he could make Tammy smile with just simple words. He could flash her that smile that always gave her heart a little squeeze. But she knew she had no actual feelings for him; Carter was no more than a best friend and he had a girlfriend. There was no way Tammy would ever go in between their relationship.
After the sun had set and the sky's turned dark blue, they laid down on the grass, talking about them. About them, about what happened. It started when Carter told her, "guys are jerks." And she'd agreed, saying, "you were a jerk too, you know. Last year, I was still in love with you when you talked to me about Brenda. It was as if she was some kind of an extraordinary girl whom you've never met before and I was just there, listening to my heart breaking."
Carter sat up, looking at Tammy. "What? Wait, you never told me this. Why'd you say you were over me that night when I asked you what you were confused about?" he asked, his face puzzled.
Tammy got up as well, looking right into his eyes and thought for a second before replying, "because I was confused! I didn't know what to say. We weren't talking much at that time, and then there was that event in school, one which you didn't say a word to me!" Silence. And they laid back down, stargazing. "If I didn't say what I said that night, would anything have changed?"
"I don't know, maybe. We might still be together."
"No, no, no. You're with Brenda now, and you love her with all your heart, the universe has told you who you're meant to be with. And besides, weren't you already crushing on Brenda at that time? You and her were in the same sleepover at that dude's house mid-year last year, and you accidentally touched her hand and felt that zap of electricity. Right?'
"Yeah, but I just liked her. I could have stopped anytime. When you said you were over me, I was thinking of what I did wrong.. I thought you had fully given up on me, so I was like, okay. Brenda it is then. I felt like there was no point in liking you anymore," Carter said, his voice so full of feelings.
"Well, it's over now. You and Brenda will live together forever and ever."
And right there, Tammy thought, is this real? Or is he just saying this for fun? Does he still think about it? If he does, then does that mean we might have a chance together? Her heart made a leap and brought her back to reality.
You and Me - Lifehouse
H.R.
Monday, June 11, 2012
I know I really shouldn't be saying this now, or ever for that matter, but I'm sure for those of you who know me, I put my feelings above anything else, and I'm not doing it differently tonight. I have so much on my mind; I don't want to write about it, but it seems to be the only answer. I don't wanna talk to anyone because if I talk to my guy best friend, well, I'm afraid he'll get tired of me. I've been talking about it for ages. My girlfriends are probably asleep, considering it's almost 1 A.M. So, blog, here you are to serve as my listener for tonight, as you've always been for nights like these in the past.
Have you guys noticed that I've been a little too happy lately? By lately I mean the past few months. Yes, there were those days that I was upset, but on most days I was just living in my own world being the happy go lucky Amilah. Or at least, that's how I see myself. Saw. To be honest, I like that me. Even if I was unaware of the world around me, that me was a whole lot better than the me that I am going to be. That is, I hope I be.
Tell me I'm not the only one facing through this. I am scared, I don't want to admit it to myself, but I am. To step in the world of reality, that's a big one. And if I was honest, I'd say that I would never want to do that; I don't even want to have a peek at that hideous world. But I know I have to, because if I don't, when am I going to move forward? I am almost at the age of fifteen! How much longer am I going to be a child and act as if I'm cute when I know I'm actually not. No, I'm not sad about my appearance, looks don't matter. If anything, it's the last thing on my mind, there's no one to impress anyway. Besides, the longer I stay myself, the longer I will be me who procrastinates on doing homework; who doesn't care about projects and get crushed later when my marks are low; who keeps saying that it's okay, that it is always okay to fall in love, because that's what makes the world colourful. I am never going to change if I don't take this step.
They say that broken hearts make you stronger, but I've had my heart broken twice, and I'm still falling high from the sky and I land on the hard ground, alone in the middle of nowhere. So I don't see it making me stronger, I am the same, now and before. Yes, I'd learned a thing or two, but I'm still naive, the lost little lamb trying to find its way, meeting other lambs along the way, those of which kept leading it to the wrong way, over and over again. Love is a strong word. I've only used it for two guys (family doesn't count), one of which I never wanted to admit it was love, I was never sure. He was the most amazing guy I have ever met but he was never mine, if I were to admit it. I don't know, maybe because of that, I didn't want to say it was love. That was old news, it doesn't even matter anymore.
Now there's you. You, who in the past two months, are the first guy in my whole 14 years that I have spent more time with in real life than any other. You, who was wonderful to me, who I thought was my dream guy, because you fit exactly. I thought about you everyday, every single second my mind wasn't on something else. I still do. When you touched my hand, I know I felt something there, and then it popped in my head, I love you. I debated with myself, I didn't want to call it love. I am too young; I am me, who doesn't know what love means. But with you, I can't. I fell in love, which is why the thought of you not being with me bring tears to my eyes. Of course I didn't cry you a river, I held it back, the tears. I can't admit it, because if I cry, that means you're worth more. More than the that guy who gave me the best night of my life, more than my ex-boyfriend who I stuck up with for nine whole months. It will mean that I love you more. And I don't want to fall for you when you are falling out with me. It hurts.
Okay, you guys can tell me that I don't even know that for sure, that it might not even be true. But in reality, the thing that I know is that you have to expect the worst and hope for the best. In the middle of the typhoon in Japan, my aunt said, "I'm just thinking of the worst." Because we can't always think that it's gonna work out, that oh, maybe it's just one of those days. You don't know! I don't know. It could be that, I hope for it, but what if my ugly thoughts turn real? What do I do then? I have to be prepared, I have to stop myself from falling harder.
For the whole Europe trip, I daydreamed about the day I come back. I was hoping we'd walk, and I'd tell you everything about my experience in Europe. You'd tell about your two weeks, and I'd somehow mention that I am falling in love with you. I wanted to get back as soon as possible, I wanted to see you and talk to you as if nothing else in the world mattered. With all the Gossip Girl I've been watching, I wanted to be in your arms and never let go of you, though I'd never do that, it's against our religion. But I guess all that didn't happen, and it never is, is it?
Have you guys noticed that I've been a little too happy lately? By lately I mean the past few months. Yes, there were those days that I was upset, but on most days I was just living in my own world being the happy go lucky Amilah. Or at least, that's how I see myself. Saw. To be honest, I like that me. Even if I was unaware of the world around me, that me was a whole lot better than the me that I am going to be. That is, I hope I be.
Tell me I'm not the only one facing through this. I am scared, I don't want to admit it to myself, but I am. To step in the world of reality, that's a big one. And if I was honest, I'd say that I would never want to do that; I don't even want to have a peek at that hideous world. But I know I have to, because if I don't, when am I going to move forward? I am almost at the age of fifteen! How much longer am I going to be a child and act as if I'm cute when I know I'm actually not. No, I'm not sad about my appearance, looks don't matter. If anything, it's the last thing on my mind, there's no one to impress anyway. Besides, the longer I stay myself, the longer I will be me who procrastinates on doing homework; who doesn't care about projects and get crushed later when my marks are low; who keeps saying that it's okay, that it is always okay to fall in love, because that's what makes the world colourful. I am never going to change if I don't take this step.
They say that broken hearts make you stronger, but I've had my heart broken twice, and I'm still falling high from the sky and I land on the hard ground, alone in the middle of nowhere. So I don't see it making me stronger, I am the same, now and before. Yes, I'd learned a thing or two, but I'm still naive, the lost little lamb trying to find its way, meeting other lambs along the way, those of which kept leading it to the wrong way, over and over again. Love is a strong word. I've only used it for two guys (family doesn't count), one of which I never wanted to admit it was love, I was never sure. He was the most amazing guy I have ever met but he was never mine, if I were to admit it. I don't know, maybe because of that, I didn't want to say it was love. That was old news, it doesn't even matter anymore.
Now there's you. You, who in the past two months, are the first guy in my whole 14 years that I have spent more time with in real life than any other. You, who was wonderful to me, who I thought was my dream guy, because you fit exactly. I thought about you everyday, every single second my mind wasn't on something else. I still do. When you touched my hand, I know I felt something there, and then it popped in my head, I love you. I debated with myself, I didn't want to call it love. I am too young; I am me, who doesn't know what love means. But with you, I can't. I fell in love, which is why the thought of you not being with me bring tears to my eyes. Of course I didn't cry you a river, I held it back, the tears. I can't admit it, because if I cry, that means you're worth more. More than the that guy who gave me the best night of my life, more than my ex-boyfriend who I stuck up with for nine whole months. It will mean that I love you more. And I don't want to fall for you when you are falling out with me. It hurts.
Okay, you guys can tell me that I don't even know that for sure, that it might not even be true. But in reality, the thing that I know is that you have to expect the worst and hope for the best. In the middle of the typhoon in Japan, my aunt said, "I'm just thinking of the worst." Because we can't always think that it's gonna work out, that oh, maybe it's just one of those days. You don't know! I don't know. It could be that, I hope for it, but what if my ugly thoughts turn real? What do I do then? I have to be prepared, I have to stop myself from falling harder.
For the whole Europe trip, I daydreamed about the day I come back. I was hoping we'd walk, and I'd tell you everything about my experience in Europe. You'd tell about your two weeks, and I'd somehow mention that I am falling in love with you. I wanted to get back as soon as possible, I wanted to see you and talk to you as if nothing else in the world mattered. With all the Gossip Girl I've been watching, I wanted to be in your arms and never let go of you, though I'd never do that, it's against our religion. But I guess all that didn't happen, and it never is, is it?
Saturday, June 9, 2012
The Holiday !
Hey there! It's been a while. Well, two weeks. And I had an amazing one with my trip to Switzerland (and England and Amsterdam). And I shall try to write everything about my experience here. Though I'd like to tell a certain someone more in real life, but it seems like that won't be happening. Oh well. I SHALL SAY WHAT I WANNA SAY HERE THEN :D Enjoy!
23rd May 2012 - Flight to Amsterdam
It was right after exams, my flight was on that night. Okay you know, there;s not much to say about this night, except that I went to another lounge in the airport, it was okay, but I like the normal Golden Lounge (it was under renovation) better. The one I went to was at the terminal before riding the aerotrain. Um, the business class in the plane was nice, but not as nice as the 747 plane. The in-flight entertainment was okay, I watched The Vow. They had the same movies as April, when I went to Japan. Damn, I must sound like some rich spoiled brat here. The business class tickets were kinda free, so.. And Japan was a um.. like "mengacau" or something as my mom called it. The distance to Amsterdam was 10,501km.
24th May 2012 - Amsterdam
We arrived at about.. well I don't remember, but it was early in the morning. I was tired, but noo, we had to spend the day out. Our hotel room was nice. It was huge, 4 singles, divided into two. As in, they connected two and two. We went out to Amsterdam central and walked around the city, met with my dad's student and his wife and toddler, ate lunch at a kebab restaurant there. When we were walking the streets of Amsterdam, something caught my eye, which was the Sex Museum xD I wanna go there, one day. When I'm married, of course. I mean, I'm intrigued. Then we went on the canal cruise, a one hour tour of the city on the boat. OH DID YOU KNOW, there are more bicycles than cars in Amsterdam. Bicycles were EVERYWHERE there, I was amazed. The houses in Amsterdam have a furniture hook, I don't really know what it looks like since I was half asleep on that boat ride, but it's to hang furniture to send to the upper floors because their stairs are too narrow. And when they move, they just throw their furniture out the window. We walked a little more, to the flower market. They sell a lot of flower bulbs, tulip bulbs mostly. But tulip season was finished when I got there, we were 4 days late. There was this cheese shop, I went in and tasted the best cheese in the whole wide world! It was cheddar I think. My mom took another kind of cheese, it seemed like it had black pepper in it, didn't taste good. Walked a little further and there was a hammock shop. Me and my sisters went crazy, trying as many hammocks as we could. A hammock is better than a bed, you know. In five years, when I have my own house, be sure to get me a hammock on my birthday, okay? The one made of fabric, not the one with ropes. It's expensive though >.>
25th May 2012 - Den Haag (The Hague), Holland
What's Hague? Den Haag is like a city about an hour from the airport (where the main train stations are). Um, we went to Madurodam or whatever the name is. It's like a miniature world. They made miniature buildings of Holland from.. well I dunno from what, something like Lego I guess? And there were people, tiny people walking around the city. Not walking, but you know what I mean. There was even a lady in a hijab, how awesome is that? xD So we spent like 3 hours just touring the miniature city, learning about a little bit of the history of the Netherlands. And then we went for lunch by the beach. It was hot, the sun was just.. hot. And it was windy, a perfect day to go to the beach. If only I could wear a bikini, oversize shades and a huge sun hat.. When it was a little bit in the evening, we went to a cafe and drank tea, like the rich :> I HAD THE BEST ICED LEMON TEA THERE ! It was sparkling water, awesomeness!
And I think I'll stop here for now, it's 4.40, I'm tired of writing already.
23rd May 2012 - Flight to Amsterdam
It was right after exams, my flight was on that night. Okay you know, there;s not much to say about this night, except that I went to another lounge in the airport, it was okay, but I like the normal Golden Lounge (it was under renovation) better. The one I went to was at the terminal before riding the aerotrain. Um, the business class in the plane was nice, but not as nice as the 747 plane. The in-flight entertainment was okay, I watched The Vow. They had the same movies as April, when I went to Japan. Damn, I must sound like some rich spoiled brat here. The business class tickets were kinda free, so.. And Japan was a um.. like "mengacau" or something as my mom called it. The distance to Amsterdam was 10,501km.
24th May 2012 - Amsterdam
We arrived at about.. well I don't remember, but it was early in the morning. I was tired, but noo, we had to spend the day out. Our hotel room was nice. It was huge, 4 singles, divided into two. As in, they connected two and two. We went out to Amsterdam central and walked around the city, met with my dad's student and his wife and toddler, ate lunch at a kebab restaurant there. When we were walking the streets of Amsterdam, something caught my eye, which was the Sex Museum xD I wanna go there, one day. When I'm married, of course. I mean, I'm intrigued. Then we went on the canal cruise, a one hour tour of the city on the boat. OH DID YOU KNOW, there are more bicycles than cars in Amsterdam. Bicycles were EVERYWHERE there, I was amazed. The houses in Amsterdam have a furniture hook, I don't really know what it looks like since I was half asleep on that boat ride, but it's to hang furniture to send to the upper floors because their stairs are too narrow. And when they move, they just throw their furniture out the window. We walked a little more, to the flower market. They sell a lot of flower bulbs, tulip bulbs mostly. But tulip season was finished when I got there, we were 4 days late. There was this cheese shop, I went in and tasted the best cheese in the whole wide world! It was cheddar I think. My mom took another kind of cheese, it seemed like it had black pepper in it, didn't taste good. Walked a little further and there was a hammock shop. Me and my sisters went crazy, trying as many hammocks as we could. A hammock is better than a bed, you know. In five years, when I have my own house, be sure to get me a hammock on my birthday, okay? The one made of fabric, not the one with ropes. It's expensive though >.>
25th May 2012 - Den Haag (The Hague), Holland
What's Hague? Den Haag is like a city about an hour from the airport (where the main train stations are). Um, we went to Madurodam or whatever the name is. It's like a miniature world. They made miniature buildings of Holland from.. well I dunno from what, something like Lego I guess? And there were people, tiny people walking around the city. Not walking, but you know what I mean. There was even a lady in a hijab, how awesome is that? xD So we spent like 3 hours just touring the miniature city, learning about a little bit of the history of the Netherlands. And then we went for lunch by the beach. It was hot, the sun was just.. hot. And it was windy, a perfect day to go to the beach. If only I could wear a bikini, oversize shades and a huge sun hat.. When it was a little bit in the evening, we went to a cafe and drank tea, like the rich :> I HAD THE BEST ICED LEMON TEA THERE ! It was sparkling water, awesomeness!
And I think I'll stop here for now, it's 4.40, I'm tired of writing already.