My Best Friend, My Love.

Assalamualaikum and Bismillahirrahmanirrahim :)

Each year we learn something new. We grow up, it's normal. No, I'm not writing my end year post yet, I'm not sure if I will either, but I most likely will post it. There's still a chance it's a no >.> Anyway, in our teen years, we will have crushes on people our age or older or younger than us. Except you know, for those people who's imaan is so high, that they do not look at boys or girls; they only look for Allah's forgiveness. InsyaAllah I'll be like that one day.

Teens are most likely to fall in love with people they know, mostly, their best friends. I've fallen in love with my best friend. Make that, best friends. First one was Haziq and that was... I don't really know what to say, the more I think about it, the more I think it was lame. And boring. If you are, by any chance, reading this, Haziq, I'm sorry, but all we did was chat. In real life, we didn't talk much. Barely looked at each other. Although I had to admit, it was real, I felt it.

The second one, now, he was special. And I mean, really special. I wrote my first poem about him. If you call it a "poem". He was, out of this world. Extraordinary. Wonderful. Brings me to life. He really taught me a lot. What real music is like, how we should not really care what other people say, live in our own world. Things like that. Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe it's not even true that he taught me these things, but the person I became after meeting him, is the person I like better than the one before.

In just one week. One week could mean so much, can you believe that? And because of that one week, I had been in love with him for months, until now. Okay, I don't know if it was love, but I like that word, so I used it >.> It could have just been a like, a crush, not love. Love is such a big word D: Anyway, I stopped for a while, for this guy who I know nothing about, but let's not get to that. But that guy, the one week guy, he kept being in my head, scene after scene, he acted as a lead in the soap opera in my mind, what was going on?

Hours passed, I don't remember what day it was, I was in London, from Bristol, a long car ride. I remember I had no appetite that night, but I ate. Nor did I the next morning, and to top it off, I didn't get to see my friend, Dina, who was also in London at the time, but that's another story. 'Had I fallen back for him? What should I do? Just, stop being friends with him?' Those were the thoughts that spun in my head.

Then I realized, I dated Haziq for 9 months and I was sure he was the love of my life (well, not really), but he wasn't. Which goes to show, what I felt wasn't gonna last. It didn't last then, it's not gonna last till I'm an adult. Why should I risk my friendship for that? If I did stop being friends with him, however I planned it in my head, I'm gonna lose a great friend. or at least, a friend >.> And I might regret it forever and ever. It'd be better if I just stop thinking about it, right?

Still, whatever's to happen, it's gonna happen, InsyaAllah.

Was I There?

Sometimes I just feel like I'm not on earth. I'm there, but I'm not there. As if I was somewhere else, but I can still see, I can still touch, taste, smell, talk. I could do everything, I can control myself, it's just that, it's weird, like I'm too tired or something. Not that I just got it recently, it has been a while, but usually I'd just ignore it.

The other day, when I had my first pizza in Italy, I kept denying that I was feeling like that. I kept thinking that the pizza was so good that it was as if I was floating on clouds, which was why I felt like that. I mean, that'd make sense, right? And then it happens again and again, even when I'm not eating. I began to think something was wrong with me, as if I was possessed, but wasn't fully possessed. I even thought if I was dying, but of course not, if I were to die, it wouldn't be like that, I don't think so at least.

Perhaps there was something bothering my mind that led me to not be on earth, but yet, I was still walking on earth's grounds. But what? Now, two weeks later, I haven't gotten that feeling at all. Just then, that week in Italy. And maybe some other times before that.

I don't even know why I'm writing about this, it's 4:20 a.m. in the morning and I'm still not asleep because of the jet lag, and now I'm writing about something that's so irrelevant it couldn't possibly get any weirder. Woah, weird, in my head, when I wrote that sentence, I talked like King Arthur from Merlin .__. I think I've been watching too much Merlin. I just hope I don't talk like the people from that show.

Anyway, I'm gonna go write in my diary, or play sims or plants vs. zombies or something. Being on the internet is no fun, no one's online :( Except for people I don't normally talk to. Meh. Personally, I like typing more than writing, hurts my hand.