A few hours ago, a good friend of mine, whose name is Harris Azman, wrote about his friends in his newly-created blog, dedicated to me. I've never really had anything dedicated to me, in a good way. At least, I think so. There was those ones, the ones Lisa wrote, when we were fighting. Those ones, well, they're bad. Reminds me of so much how I used to be. But who knows? I might still have that part of me inside of me, with me not knowing it. And probably there are which my friends wrote about me. I don't know. Maybe they talked about me?
I've always had the feeling they do. Just not the good things about me. They might have done it every time I move away from them for all I know. But it's okay, I guess. I haven't really been the best friend anyway, for some time now. So, I guess, I deserve the backstabbing and bad talks.
Anyway, Harris, he wrote about his best friend and good friends. He talked about how grateful he is to have such friends. How good his friends are. And I'm one of them. I've never really felt like that before. I smiled as I reached his blog, I grinned when I saw my name. My heart leaped with excitement. There was a lump in my throat, just wanting me to scream and race to him, and hug him as hard as I could, which I will never do, by the way.
The feeling of having a friend appreciating you, is like, the second best feeling ever. It felt like, one part of me has accomplished. All the times I've been trying to impress my friends with things, or treats. All those times I've talked to them, about random things, like there's no tomorrow. I'm not saying I've ever expected anything in return, because I've never expected so. I'm just happy that one of my friends, one I've been feeling like I was bullying, appreciates me, and loves me the way I am, weird and random.
For some of my friends who feel offended, in some way, I'm sorry. But I guess it's reality. And reality speaks the truth. So, what I've said on this post, is how I feel like. And that's the truth, which is reality. (Wait, is that right?)
Well, whatever it is, my friends are awesome. That's all I can say. They're the best people I've met in my 13 and a half years. Shall I name them?
Raihah, Dina, Dina Dzafira, Sonia, Zafirah, Izyan, Haziq, Adil, Harris, Kamalesh, Malik, Shania, Hidayah, Amirah, Ashraff (yes, even him, although I hated him all throughout last year), Ashvin, Sarah, Aqilah, and lots more. God, I love them just the way they are. Sure, I might correct their English, or want them to be more like this or that, but that's how they are, and I can't change that. Not if I want to be a good friend, I can't. The thing is, to just accept people, and stop judging. I'm not perfect myself, am I?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Ice Skating
Yesterday, my cousins took my sister and me ice skating at Sunway Pyramid. I haven't skated since 2009, I think, so I was a bit rusty. I may fall a few times, but what's the fun in ice skating if you don't fall, right?
After I put on my skates, I tried to stand up, and surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought. Maybe those years of practice walking in heels were worth it. I may have wobbled a bit, but at least I didn't fall *winks*.
When I stepped on the ice, I was like, "wow". It felt so good. Skating feels so light, unlike walking, you don't have to drag yourself.
I tried skating around the rink, so far so good. I did a few more rounds, until suddenly... Oof! I fell, on my hip. My cousin who saw me, laughed. A nice guy, wearing stripy green gloves helped me up. It hurt a little bit, but I was fine. The second time, I fell on my knees
. That hurt more than the first one. You know, people are nice there. They help me up every time I fall down, which is needed, because I am SO bad at getting up.
The rink wasn't as crowded as the first time I went there, which was in 2007, if I'm not mistaken. The first time, I went with my sisters and cousins. I fell like, 30 times or so. I was so bad! One time, I fell so badly, the ice police had to push-skate me back to the door. It was so fast, I felt like I was flying.
I had a birthday party there when I was 11. One of my friends fell like she slipped on a banana peel. She flew over and BAM! Next second, she was on her back, on the ice
. I laughed so hard. It was just too funny. I think it was because of me that she fell. Oh well.
Anyway, I was skating, round and round, when suddenly, i accidentally used the front brake, and splat! Yes, this time, it was a SPLAT! The ice didn't hit my face, but you couldn't say the same for my left palm. When I stood up, my left hand hurt till my shoulder. My mind couldn't process anything else. I was in pain. I needed help. I thought my wrist fractured. I thought I was gonna have to wear a cast. I thought I was gonna have to answer millions of the same question when I get to school. I thought I couldn't move my hand anymore... But my cousin said, it was nothing. Just a little pain, that's all. THANK GOD!
But it got me thinking, it would be cool to have fractured my wrist, LOL. But nah, I don't want that much attention. Makes me feel lame.
After half an hour more, the ice had turned into a pool of water. I fell once again, and my jeans got all wet.
My sister managed to do 16 rounds without falling. That's an achievement, I guess.
After I put on my skates, I tried to stand up, and surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought. Maybe those years of practice walking in heels were worth it. I may have wobbled a bit, but at least I didn't fall *winks*.
When I stepped on the ice, I was like, "wow". It felt so good. Skating feels so light, unlike walking, you don't have to drag yourself.
I tried skating around the rink, so far so good. I did a few more rounds, until suddenly... Oof! I fell, on my hip. My cousin who saw me, laughed. A nice guy, wearing stripy green gloves helped me up. It hurt a little bit, but I was fine. The second time, I fell on my knees
. That hurt more than the first one. You know, people are nice there. They help me up every time I fall down, which is needed, because I am SO bad at getting up.The rink wasn't as crowded as the first time I went there, which was in 2007, if I'm not mistaken. The first time, I went with my sisters and cousins. I fell like, 30 times or so. I was so bad! One time, I fell so badly, the ice police had to push-skate me back to the door. It was so fast, I felt like I was flying.
I had a birthday party there when I was 11. One of my friends fell like she slipped on a banana peel. She flew over and BAM! Next second, she was on her back, on the ice
. I laughed so hard. It was just too funny. I think it was because of me that she fell. Oh well.Anyway, I was skating, round and round, when suddenly, i accidentally used the front brake, and splat! Yes, this time, it was a SPLAT! The ice didn't hit my face, but you couldn't say the same for my left palm. When I stood up, my left hand hurt till my shoulder. My mind couldn't process anything else. I was in pain. I needed help. I thought my wrist fractured. I thought I was gonna have to wear a cast. I thought I was gonna have to answer millions of the same question when I get to school. I thought I couldn't move my hand anymore... But my cousin said, it was nothing. Just a little pain, that's all. THANK GOD!
But it got me thinking, it would be cool to have fractured my wrist, LOL. But nah, I don't want that much attention. Makes me feel lame.
After half an hour more, the ice had turned into a pool of water. I fell once again, and my jeans got all wet.
My sister managed to do 16 rounds without falling. That's an achievement, I guess.
"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Is It True That You Can't Be Anybody?
I know what you're thinking; 'what's with the title?' Well, it's actually a weird coincidence. I've been thinking of how I should act like - quiet, funny, etc - because my friends have been telling me that I shouldn't do this and that. And so, anyway, I found this page on Facebook where it said:
And it's all true, except for the part where that person said, if you cover up, you're a nun. Because as a Muslim, that's a must. But that's another topic.
Anyway, it got me thinking, 'then, who should I be? I can't be quiet, I can't be loud. I can't speak the truth, nor can I lie.' And then, here's the other thing, if I talk about people, I'm a bitch, but if I don't, I'm lame. So, HONESTLY, is there anything you can be without people thinking you're this or that?
Solution: Don't think of what people think of you?
Is that possible? Maybe it is if you're a carefree person, but for me, I've tried doing that, several times now. It doesn't work, because, whenever I do that, my own best friends would tell me I shouldn't act how I do, and I've gotta care about what they think of me, because they're my friends, and if I don't, and they dislike of how I act, I wouldn't have any friends now, would I?
Solution: So what? Make new friends!
It's not that easy, you know. Making new friends. It's like, you're telling a perfectionist baker, who's just finished her beautiful cake, with all the frosting detailed to perfection, to make a new one, 'cause you've smashed it.
Okay, maybe it is. Maybe making friends is easy. To trust them is something else, and that's the hard part. So what? Every time they judge you, you're gonna go find new friends? Is that it? Are there really enough people in this world for just you? And if you're gonna say, "screw trust, just have fun!" then you're insane. Because, when you're in need of something, friends are the only people you can count on (and God).
But sometimes, it's okay not to think of what people think of you, because that's who you are. You're just human, you can't be perfect, can you? If your friend, best friend, wants you to be like this and that, you tell him/her that he/she's not perfect him/herself, and that you're sorry, but you're not perfect, and you're happy with who you are. If he/she is really your best friend, he/she would be happy for you.
But I guess, there really aren't perfect people in the world.
If you're honest: You’re rude.
If you lie: You’re fake.
If you’re quiet: you’re boring.
If you’re loud: you have a big mouth.
If you're smart: you’re a nerd.
If your not: you’ll fail at life.
You cover up: You’re a nun.
If you don’t: you’re a slut.
You try to fit in: you’re a poser.
You try to stand out: you’re weird.
You write a facebook status about it: you just want attention.
If you lie: You’re fake.
If you’re quiet: you’re boring.
If you’re loud: you have a big mouth.
If you're smart: you’re a nerd.
If your not: you’ll fail at life.
You cover up: You’re a nun.
If you don’t: you’re a slut.
You try to fit in: you’re a poser.
You try to stand out: you’re weird.
You write a facebook status about it: you just want attention.
And it's all true, except for the part where that person said, if you cover up, you're a nun. Because as a Muslim, that's a must. But that's another topic.
Anyway, it got me thinking, 'then, who should I be? I can't be quiet, I can't be loud. I can't speak the truth, nor can I lie.' And then, here's the other thing, if I talk about people, I'm a bitch, but if I don't, I'm lame. So, HONESTLY, is there anything you can be without people thinking you're this or that?
Solution: Don't think of what people think of you?
Is that possible? Maybe it is if you're a carefree person, but for me, I've tried doing that, several times now. It doesn't work, because, whenever I do that, my own best friends would tell me I shouldn't act how I do, and I've gotta care about what they think of me, because they're my friends, and if I don't, and they dislike of how I act, I wouldn't have any friends now, would I?
Solution: So what? Make new friends!
It's not that easy, you know. Making new friends. It's like, you're telling a perfectionist baker, who's just finished her beautiful cake, with all the frosting detailed to perfection, to make a new one, 'cause you've smashed it.
Okay, maybe it is. Maybe making friends is easy. To trust them is something else, and that's the hard part. So what? Every time they judge you, you're gonna go find new friends? Is that it? Are there really enough people in this world for just you? And if you're gonna say, "screw trust, just have fun!" then you're insane. Because, when you're in need of something, friends are the only people you can count on (and God).
But sometimes, it's okay not to think of what people think of you, because that's who you are. You're just human, you can't be perfect, can you? If your friend, best friend, wants you to be like this and that, you tell him/her that he/she's not perfect him/herself, and that you're sorry, but you're not perfect, and you're happy with who you are. If he/she is really your best friend, he/she would be happy for you.
But I guess, there really aren't perfect people in the world.
No one is perfect; that's why pencils have erasers.
To escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~ Elbert Hubbard.
Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs 'em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. ~Stephen Manes, Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!
Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~ Henry Van Dyke
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. ~ Salvador Dali
To escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~ Elbert Hubbard.
Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs 'em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. ~Stephen Manes, Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!
Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~ Henry Van Dyke
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. ~ Salvador Dali
Friday, February 25, 2011
You Don't Have to Do What People Say
Have you ever felt like your thoughts don't matter? Like what you've said and what you think are just pieces of crap, that nobody cares about? No matter how hard you try to oppose, you'll lose? How much you've squeezed your brain to get that idea, no one really cares and all that? Ever felt that way?
Well, I have.
But my friend told me, that it's because they care that they oppose of what I say.
Okay, so here's the story...
This guy, uh, I'm gonna call him Derek. Okay, wait, that's not how I planned to start it, but whatever. So, anyway, this Derek, started a status saying that one of Malaysia's artist has become international. So, I asked, who she was. And people started saying things like, "OHMYGOD! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YUNA IS?!"
Well, that's still fine. But then, there was this guy, James, who talked about other Malaysian artists, whom I've never even heard of. So I asked. And then, he replied that Sudirman, the Malaysian guy he talked about, was one of Malaysia's best artist, and that I shouldn't be living in Malaysia, if I don't take note of what happens. Okay, so I said that I'm fine with that, and I'll be leaving the country after I finished my SPM. He said that my brain isn't good, 'cause I dislike the country. But what's so wrong about not liking the country I live in? It's not like it's in the law or something.
Soon, everything became a debate. He was talking about how great Malaysia is, and I was opposing him. Until one point, I got bored and I said I didn't want to continue anymore and that he'd won the debate. YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?! HE TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND TO NOT EXPECT THE OTHER COUNTRY BETTER THAN MALAYSIA! Of course I'd expect the other country, the one that I'm gonna move to in the future better than Malaysia. If I wasn't expecting that, why would I wanna move? Like, duh?
So I told him again, after SPM. And he told me to move now, and why I'm still living here, in Malaysia. Here's my reason, because, I am a kid and I live with my parents. Un-der-stand? He told me never to come back to Malaysia. So what if I wanna come back? So what if I decided that I don't want to move? So what if I think Malaysia is not a good country? Doesn't mean I think it's bad. So what if I don't take note of everything that happens in this country? There is NO rule saying that I should know every single step people take in this country, is there? I can like or dislike and I can know and not know things in this country. It's my choice. Am I thankful for the country I live in? Yes, I am. I'm thankful that there are Halal food on every corner of the street. I'm thankful for the awesome bookshop at KLCC. I'm thankful for the people here.
But knowing that people want me out of this country just hurts. You don't have to get out of the country just because you don't like your country. You may want to, but you don't have to. That's just ridiculous. People who hate people who think their country is not all good is just silly. Because, we're people. And we're different. So, our minds and our points of view are different from others. It's not anybody's right to say that if you hate your country, you have to move to another country. As people, we have to respect others' points of view. Not everybody has the same thought as the other person.
At last, I took the blame for everything, as always. It's better that way. People don't like to admit defeat, that's what I've learned. Probably my fault anyway.
Well, I have.
But my friend told me, that it's because they care that they oppose of what I say.
Okay, so here's the story...
This guy, uh, I'm gonna call him Derek. Okay, wait, that's not how I planned to start it, but whatever. So, anyway, this Derek, started a status saying that one of Malaysia's artist has become international. So, I asked, who she was. And people started saying things like, "OHMYGOD! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YUNA IS?!"
Well, that's still fine. But then, there was this guy, James, who talked about other Malaysian artists, whom I've never even heard of. So I asked. And then, he replied that Sudirman, the Malaysian guy he talked about, was one of Malaysia's best artist, and that I shouldn't be living in Malaysia, if I don't take note of what happens. Okay, so I said that I'm fine with that, and I'll be leaving the country after I finished my SPM. He said that my brain isn't good, 'cause I dislike the country. But what's so wrong about not liking the country I live in? It's not like it's in the law or something.
Soon, everything became a debate. He was talking about how great Malaysia is, and I was opposing him. Until one point, I got bored and I said I didn't want to continue anymore and that he'd won the debate. YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?! HE TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND TO NOT EXPECT THE OTHER COUNTRY BETTER THAN MALAYSIA! Of course I'd expect the other country, the one that I'm gonna move to in the future better than Malaysia. If I wasn't expecting that, why would I wanna move? Like, duh?
So I told him again, after SPM. And he told me to move now, and why I'm still living here, in Malaysia. Here's my reason, because, I am a kid and I live with my parents. Un-der-stand? He told me never to come back to Malaysia. So what if I wanna come back? So what if I decided that I don't want to move? So what if I think Malaysia is not a good country? Doesn't mean I think it's bad. So what if I don't take note of everything that happens in this country? There is NO rule saying that I should know every single step people take in this country, is there? I can like or dislike and I can know and not know things in this country. It's my choice. Am I thankful for the country I live in? Yes, I am. I'm thankful that there are Halal food on every corner of the street. I'm thankful for the awesome bookshop at KLCC. I'm thankful for the people here.
But knowing that people want me out of this country just hurts. You don't have to get out of the country just because you don't like your country. You may want to, but you don't have to. That's just ridiculous. People who hate people who think their country is not all good is just silly. Because, we're people. And we're different. So, our minds and our points of view are different from others. It's not anybody's right to say that if you hate your country, you have to move to another country. As people, we have to respect others' points of view. Not everybody has the same thought as the other person.
At last, I took the blame for everything, as always. It's better that way. People don't like to admit defeat, that's what I've learned. Probably my fault anyway.
Let them be. Let them lie unspoken of, in his breast. However distinctly or indistinctly he entertained these thoughts, he arrived at the conclusion, Let them be. Among the mighty store of wonderful chains that are for ever forging, day and night, in the vast iron-works of time and circumstance, there was one chain forged in the moment of that small conclusion, riveted to the foundations of heaven and earth, and gifted with invincible force to hold and drag. ~ Charles Dickens
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Solution: Whatever
For the past few days, I've been convincing myself to not care about what other people think about. I was training myself to think of myself first. My happiness before others'. And it worked. At least for the first 50 hours. And then... things happened.
Lemme tell you the whole story. It'll be easier. *Clears Throat* The story began, on a normal Thursday night....
Me and my friends had some sort of fight. Well, not really. More like, a misunderstanding. I was being a bitch at school for three whole days to a friend of mine, but she didn't look like she cared much, so I continued doing so. On Thursday evening, at 1817hours, a guy called me, telling me that the girl I teased so badly cried, and complained to him about her life (and he asked me for another guy's number, because this other guy did something bad on Faceboook).
I felt guilty. I went on Facebook, and apologized to her, but nothing happened. Before I knew it, she deleted me from her friends list on Facebook. My heart dropped, my legs froze and my eyes watered. The world seemed like it was moving so fast. I couldn't process anything in my mind. But then, after a few minutes, something unusual happened. I didn't feel like I care. I didn't feel the need to go call her and apologize until she'd take me back. I just didn't.
The next day, when I saw her, (she added me back on Fb and told me to forget about it) I asked if she was okay, and she didn't reply. She was just staring straight with a bored expression, so I left. On my mind, I was saying "whatever" repeatedly. My solution was simple. If she didn't wanna talk to me, I won't talk to her. If she didn't wanna look at me, I won't look at her. It's a simple solution. I didn't wanna waste my breath on someone who won't even consider looking at me.
But then, in class, after the whole situation with the girl (can we call her Jamie?) I talked about, my other friend (let's call her Lola) was being a bitch to me. Maybe it was a cycle, like the secret-cycle I talked about on my last post. Because I was such a bitch to the first girl, Lola was replaying my role. I finally understood how Jamie felt. Lola was teasing me, continuously, that I liked this one guy (Jack?). Everything word I said, she'd relate it to Jack. She'd be, "Oooh, you must want Jaaaaaaaack with youu," or something like that. She did it so often, that at one point, I got so annoyed, I shouted her name and asked her to stop it, but Lola didn't give a damn. She didn't even hear what I said.
On the way back home, another friend of mine (Mind if I call her Sara?) talked to be about what happened. Sara said that it's my fault. I shouldn't have shouted in class to Lola, because everybody stared. I should have talked to her slowly, in a serious manner, so she'd listen. But when I told her that Lola wouldn't listen even though I tell her in a slow, serious manner, Sara said I haven't even tried. HECK YEAH I TRIED ! I asked Lola if she wanted to cycle in the evening in the middle of the chaotic situation in class, but all she did was poked her fingers in her ears and showed me this, >:P! How's that for talking to her in a serious manner, huh? I told Sara I was mad at Lola, and guess what Sara told me.
Yes, she told me not to get mad at Lola, but guess who she told me I should be mad at.
Right again! Myself.
WHATTHEFREAKINGHELLDIDIDOWRONG?!
First, Lola told my secret to Sara, which I didn't want Sara to know, 'cause she'd judge me, ever so badly. Second, Lola started the "Amilah <3 Jack" reply when I just said "HOI". AND THIRD, LOLA teased me, in the loudest voice possible, that I'm freaking in love with Jack, which I totally am NOT! THAT'S ONE, TWO, THREE STRIKES, ALL ON LOLA !
And what do I get?
Yes, I get blamed for everything. I had to be mad at myself, for telling Lola off, because I was so pissed at her. I had to go to Lola, in a serious manner, telling her to knock it off, seriously, because I haven't tried. Because I always jump into conclusion before anything happened.
Sara Bareilles said, in her song, King of Anything,
Lemme tell you the whole story. It'll be easier. *Clears Throat* The story began, on a normal Thursday night....
Me and my friends had some sort of fight. Well, not really. More like, a misunderstanding. I was being a bitch at school for three whole days to a friend of mine, but she didn't look like she cared much, so I continued doing so. On Thursday evening, at 1817hours, a guy called me, telling me that the girl I teased so badly cried, and complained to him about her life (and he asked me for another guy's number, because this other guy did something bad on Faceboook).
I felt guilty. I went on Facebook, and apologized to her, but nothing happened. Before I knew it, she deleted me from her friends list on Facebook. My heart dropped, my legs froze and my eyes watered. The world seemed like it was moving so fast. I couldn't process anything in my mind. But then, after a few minutes, something unusual happened. I didn't feel like I care. I didn't feel the need to go call her and apologize until she'd take me back. I just didn't.
The next day, when I saw her, (she added me back on Fb and told me to forget about it) I asked if she was okay, and she didn't reply. She was just staring straight with a bored expression, so I left. On my mind, I was saying "whatever" repeatedly. My solution was simple. If she didn't wanna talk to me, I won't talk to her. If she didn't wanna look at me, I won't look at her. It's a simple solution. I didn't wanna waste my breath on someone who won't even consider looking at me.
But then, in class, after the whole situation with the girl (can we call her Jamie?) I talked about, my other friend (let's call her Lola) was being a bitch to me. Maybe it was a cycle, like the secret-cycle I talked about on my last post. Because I was such a bitch to the first girl, Lola was replaying my role. I finally understood how Jamie felt. Lola was teasing me, continuously, that I liked this one guy (Jack?). Everything word I said, she'd relate it to Jack. She'd be, "Oooh, you must want Jaaaaaaaack with youu," or something like that. She did it so often, that at one point, I got so annoyed, I shouted her name and asked her to stop it, but Lola didn't give a damn. She didn't even hear what I said.
On the way back home, another friend of mine (Mind if I call her Sara?) talked to be about what happened. Sara said that it's my fault. I shouldn't have shouted in class to Lola, because everybody stared. I should have talked to her slowly, in a serious manner, so she'd listen. But when I told her that Lola wouldn't listen even though I tell her in a slow, serious manner, Sara said I haven't even tried. HECK YEAH I TRIED ! I asked Lola if she wanted to cycle in the evening in the middle of the chaotic situation in class, but all she did was poked her fingers in her ears and showed me this, >:P! How's that for talking to her in a serious manner, huh? I told Sara I was mad at Lola, and guess what Sara told me.
Yes, she told me not to get mad at Lola, but guess who she told me I should be mad at.
Right again! Myself.
WHATTHEFREAKINGHELLDIDIDOWRONG?!
First, Lola told my secret to Sara, which I didn't want Sara to know, 'cause she'd judge me, ever so badly. Second, Lola started the "Amilah <3 Jack" reply when I just said "HOI". AND THIRD, LOLA teased me, in the loudest voice possible, that I'm freaking in love with Jack, which I totally am NOT! THAT'S ONE, TWO, THREE STRIKES, ALL ON LOLA !
And what do I get?
Yes, I get blamed for everything. I had to be mad at myself, for telling Lola off, because I was so pissed at her. I had to go to Lola, in a serious manner, telling her to knock it off, seriously, because I haven't tried. Because I always jump into conclusion before anything happened.
Sara Bareilles said, in her song, King of Anything,
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me!
Who made you King of Anything?
You dare tell me who to be!
Who died and made you King of Anything?
You are not me!
Who made you King of Anything?
You dare tell me who to be!
Who died and made you King of Anything?
But on Saturday night, when I asked a friend of mine, "Who cared if you disagree?", he answered that I do. I care.
And surprisingly, he was right.
So, solution whatever never really happened. It was just a world I lived in my mind.
Honestly speaking, I can never put myself in front of other people. My life has always revolved around people being happy, because of me. My life has always been about making people happy. Even if it means putting my feelings aside. Because truth is, nobody cares what you feel like. People will always be selfish, even you and me.
HONESTLY, do you really think people would ask you what you wanna do? Do you really think people would let you decide what to do and all that, if it's not beneficial to them? If they let you decide on what to do, they'd expect you make the decision on making their lives better. So, point is, never wait for people to let you decide, because it never will happen. The words, "you decide," might be heard, but you'll never really decide.
I might be wrong, for all I am is human. I've only lived a decade of my life, so, I don't really know much, but from my experience, that is how people have been treating me.
They never ask for what I want. They never think if I like to do what things and what not. Of course, not all people are like this. But most of whom I've met. Even myself, I admit.
Solution whatever will never exist.
Try listening to King of Anything by Sara Bareilles.
And surprisingly, he was right.
So, solution whatever never really happened. It was just a world I lived in my mind.
Honestly speaking, I can never put myself in front of other people. My life has always revolved around people being happy, because of me. My life has always been about making people happy. Even if it means putting my feelings aside. Because truth is, nobody cares what you feel like. People will always be selfish, even you and me.
HONESTLY, do you really think people would ask you what you wanna do? Do you really think people would let you decide what to do and all that, if it's not beneficial to them? If they let you decide on what to do, they'd expect you make the decision on making their lives better. So, point is, never wait for people to let you decide, because it never will happen. The words, "you decide," might be heard, but you'll never really decide.
I might be wrong, for all I am is human. I've only lived a decade of my life, so, I don't really know much, but from my experience, that is how people have been treating me.
They never ask for what I want. They never think if I like to do what things and what not. Of course, not all people are like this. But most of whom I've met. Even myself, I admit.
Solution whatever will never exist.
Try listening to King of Anything by Sara Bareilles.
I think we are living in selfish times. I'm the first one to say that I'm the most selfish. We live in the so-called 'first world,' and we may be first in a lot of things like technology, but we are behind in empathy.
Javier Bardem
Javier Bardem
Thank you, Zafirah,
for making me realize
that there's no one in
this world who isn't
selfish in a way.
for making me realize
that there's no one in
this world who isn't
selfish in a way.
Secrets
Have you ever asked yourself, "How can I trust somebody, when I myself, can't be trusted?" Or did you just think that people will just shut their mouths and never speak your secrets, when you share theirs with others? If you're the kinda person who don't speak, then, there's no problem with you, but I'm talking about the people who do speak. And by speak, I mean, gossip, talking about other people's lives to your best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, family, etc.
But seriously, do you think people will keep the secrets you tell them, if you tell other people their secrets? Because I don't think so. It's a cycle. If people tell you secrets, and you tell other people their secrets, and you tell people your secrets, they'd tell other people your secrets. It's like the water cycle. The evaporation begins when there's water under the sun (your friends telling you their secrets), which follows by evapotranspiration (you telling your friends your secrets), condensation steps in after that(you telling others your friends' secrets) and it goes back to constantly flowing stream (your friend tells others your secrets). Get it?
So, next time, if you want people to keep your secrets, don't tell others their secrets.
But honestly, in this world, there's only a little percent of people who won't speak of others. People can't be trusted. No matter how much they convince you to trust them, they'll come to a point someday that they'll spit everything out. Seriously! Not even your best friend in the whole world. Even if she/he knows you better than you know yourself, she/he can never keep your secret for so long. If they don't spill your secrets to somebody, they'll spill it in their own way, like writing, for me.
So the safest way I can advice you on how to trust people is... Don't. Don't trust people. For Muslims, you can only trust Allah with your life, but people? No, you can't. You just can't. It's a fact, in life. But I'm not saying you can't tell your best friends secrets, or should stop doing so, because I myself, will never stop telling my best friends my secrets. Just, be careful.
Dina Dzafira.
But seriously, do you think people will keep the secrets you tell them, if you tell other people their secrets? Because I don't think so. It's a cycle. If people tell you secrets, and you tell other people their secrets, and you tell people your secrets, they'd tell other people your secrets. It's like the water cycle. The evaporation begins when there's water under the sun (your friends telling you their secrets), which follows by evapotranspiration (you telling your friends your secrets), condensation steps in after that(you telling others your friends' secrets) and it goes back to constantly flowing stream (your friend tells others your secrets). Get it?
But honestly, in this world, there's only a little percent of people who won't speak of others. People can't be trusted. No matter how much they convince you to trust them, they'll come to a point someday that they'll spit everything out. Seriously! Not even your best friend in the whole world. Even if she/he knows you better than you know yourself, she/he can never keep your secret for so long. If they don't spill your secrets to somebody, they'll spill it in their own way, like writing, for me.
So the safest way I can advice you on how to trust people is... Don't. Don't trust people. For Muslims, you can only trust Allah with your life, but people? No, you can't. You just can't. It's a fact, in life. But I'm not saying you can't tell your best friends secrets, or should stop doing so, because I myself, will never stop telling my best friends my secrets. Just, be careful.
If you tell your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees ~ Kahlil Gibran
Inspired by,Dina Dzafira.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Friendship
I've been meaning to write about this for quite a while now. I was actually inspired by my friend, Zarith's video, for her friend, Salsabiila. It was made because Salsabiila was changing schools, and it may seem simple, but it means a lot. I know, I'm not even close to them. You can say all you want, about me being such a busy body to go view the video and write about it and all that, but it really dug through. I teared up watching it. It was too sweet.
What a friend would do for another friend... it's just, WOW! Watching that video, it made me think of what my friends had done for me over the past few months. What they've sacrificed for me all this while. I mean, because of this, is why we need to value our friendship. Because, as Hannah Montana said in her song, True Friends,
And she was right, friends do go to the ends of the earth to find the things you need. And as far as I know, all you need from a friend is trust and love. To know that you'll be his/her friend till the end of your time. A friend is someone that you can joke around with, a person that you can't stay mad at for so long, because you know that if you do, you'd lose a part of your life. A friend is someone you can talk to about anything. Well, best friends, but friends count too. Someone who helps you and never asks for anything in return. A best friend is someone who knows you more than you know yourself.
Trust me, that last statement is true.
Last Friday, in English class, I was smiling broadly alone. I couldn't stop doing so. A few minutes before, I told DD that I had a secret, but ended up not telling her. But the word got out to Jin Zhe and they were both asking me what secret I was talking about, so Raihah, sitting beside me, made me tell. And of course, I had to tell, 'cause I can never keep secrets from her. We're like, two peas in a pod. I didn't have enough guts to tell her straight from my mouth, so I wrote it, on my small Agama book. I said, "IthinkIlikesomebody,butIdon'treallyknowandI'mnotreallysureIdo :|"
And in a blink of an eye, Raihah wrote the name of the guy I thought I liked. She knew it from the very start. I didn't even know I liked him myself, before that day. So, it's proven. Best friends know you better than you do. Might seem weird, but when you spend time to get to know someone, it just happens. He/she will know you better than you do. That's why best friends exist. To help guide our lives.
I found this on a website,
Friendship Quotes - A good friend is someone we can count on, as well as being so much more. A friend is someone with whom we can relax and just hang out, have fun and share our innermost thoughts, deep dark secrets, lofty and noble goals, or our hopes, joys, and fears.
A good friend allows you a safe space to share your deepest thoughts and needs without worry of being judged, criticized or made to feel silly for feeling the way you do. Friends cheer each other on, laugh and cry together, and just plain commiserate and listen to each other.
That's why friends are friends....
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.
What a friend would do for another friend... it's just, WOW! Watching that video, it made me think of what my friends had done for me over the past few months. What they've sacrificed for me all this while. I mean, because of this, is why we need to value our friendship. Because, as Hannah Montana said in her song, True Friends,
"True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in"
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in"
And she was right, friends do go to the ends of the earth to find the things you need. And as far as I know, all you need from a friend is trust and love. To know that you'll be his/her friend till the end of your time. A friend is someone that you can joke around with, a person that you can't stay mad at for so long, because you know that if you do, you'd lose a part of your life. A friend is someone you can talk to about anything. Well, best friends, but friends count too. Someone who helps you and never asks for anything in return. A best friend is someone who knows you more than you know yourself.
Trust me, that last statement is true.
Last Friday, in English class, I was smiling broadly alone. I couldn't stop doing so. A few minutes before, I told DD that I had a secret, but ended up not telling her. But the word got out to Jin Zhe and they were both asking me what secret I was talking about, so Raihah, sitting beside me, made me tell. And of course, I had to tell, 'cause I can never keep secrets from her. We're like, two peas in a pod. I didn't have enough guts to tell her straight from my mouth, so I wrote it, on my small Agama book. I said, "IthinkIlikesomebody,butIdon'treallyknowandI'mnotreallysureIdo :|"
And in a blink of an eye, Raihah wrote the name of the guy I thought I liked. She knew it from the very start. I didn't even know I liked him myself, before that day. So, it's proven. Best friends know you better than you do. Might seem weird, but when you spend time to get to know someone, it just happens. He/she will know you better than you do. That's why best friends exist. To help guide our lives.
I found this on a website,
Friendship Quotes - A good friend is someone we can count on, as well as being so much more. A friend is someone with whom we can relax and just hang out, have fun and share our innermost thoughts, deep dark secrets, lofty and noble goals, or our hopes, joys, and fears.
A good friend allows you a safe space to share your deepest thoughts and needs without worry of being judged, criticized or made to feel silly for feeling the way you do. Friends cheer each other on, laugh and cry together, and just plain commiserate and listen to each other.
That's why friends are friends....
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.
Dedicated to Raihah, Dina Sabrina, Dina Dzafira, Sonia, Izyan
Syahirah and Zafirah. Thank you for completing my world.
It would have never been completed without you guys.
Syahirah and Zafirah. Thank you for completing my world.
It would have never been completed without you guys.